Wounds That Need Healing
by Ekurian
Summary: "Anders, if you keep on pushing her away, she'll give up. She'll be gone. And you will hate yourself for it. Tell her. Show her how you feel. And once you do, don't you ever let her go."    F!Hawke/Anders; Warden OC.
1. Chapter 1

A light breeze sent a dry leaf skittering across the path leading out of Kirkwall. It was well into the night now. The sky was clear, the stars shining, and the air sharp and cold due to the onset of autumn. Anders followed the path down a bank and between some trees. It was good to get away from the city, away from the people crammed together in Darktown and all begging for his help. The route he took was familiar to him; he often came here when he needed to clear his head. It had been about year since he had returned with Hawke and Varric from the Deep Roads. He hadn't wanted to go, he hated it there, but if he hadn't been there…

"Who's that?" a voice came suddenly from the dark, jolting him from his thoughts. He froze for a moment, carefully watching the female figure that had appeared at the end of the trail, but relaxed when he recognised who it was.

"Oh, Anders," the woman said, walking up the path to meet him. Her black hair was tied back into a loose ponytail, as usual, with stray strands dangling in front of those not-quite-blue but not-quite-grey eyes of hers.

"Hawke," he replied, "What're you doing out here?"

She smiled, "Well, I could ask you the same thing." She was close enough for him to see her properly now and he noticed that she was no longer wearing the red neckerchief she usually wore. And the way her nose wrinkled when she smiled. "And how many times to I have to ask you to call me Rain?" she added.

"Well, one more, at least," Anders said with a smile, and sighed, "I just needed to get out of Kirkwall for a bit."

"I know how you feel."

There was an awkward moment of silence.

"Um, heading anywhere in particular?" Rain asked, smiling again, her nose wrinkling. He loved that about her smiles.

"Not really," he said, shrugging, "Just…walking."

"Come with me then; I'd like to show you something."

He was about to say something about the dangers of wandering off in the dark, but Rain had already hooked her arm around his and was leading him away from the path through some trees.

A few minutes of more awkward silence and being led by the arm along what appeared to be a completely random route, Rain let Anders go and stood right in front of him. She placed her hands on his chest, making him stop dead in his tracks.

"Before we go any further," she said, "You have to promise not to tell anyone."

"Tell anyone about what?" He questioned, growing increasingly aware of her hands pressing against his chest and just how close she suddenly was to him. He could see goosebumps all over her bare shoulders. He was surprised that she'd come out in just a lace up top and leggings on a night as cold as this.

"Just promise," Rain demanded. He could tell that she was trying her hardest to ignore the cold, but every so often a shiver ran through her body. She had always been skinny, but since the Deep Roads she had lost even more weight, making her appear fragile. There were dark rings under her eyes.

He sighed, "I promise."

Rain smiled and took Anders' hand, leading him past another line of trees. The trees suddenly gave way to a grass covered cliff side, overlooking the sea. Letting go of his hand, Rain walked out into the grass. She looked over her shoulder at him.

"This is my secret place," she told him, "It's where I come when I'm…feeling sad." Turning away, she wrapped her arms around herself.

Anders walked out onto the grass and stood next to her. "You're having trouble sleeping, aren't you?" he asked, but it was said more like a statement. He watched as another shiver shook her small frame, and all he wanted to do was to put his arms around her, to keep her warm, to make her feel safe. To make her smile. But he didn't. He couldn't; he had no idea how she would react, not after he had put down her attempts at flirting. She seemed to have taken his warnings since then.

"No," she shook her head, staring down at a flower at her feet. It was a small white flower, with delicate petals. "Andraste's Grace," Rain said, nodding at the flower. "I planted it here when I first found this place." She smiled, but this time her nose didn't wrinkle. "Bethany loved them."

"You're not wearing her neckerchief anymore."

"I've still got it with me," she drew the red piece of fabric from her pocket. Rain gazed at the neckerchief for a moment and then looked at him. She was fighting back tears.

"Today marks two years since she died. I thought it was time I said a proper goodbye." Her voice shook as she spoke. Each tremble tugged at his heart.

Rain had hardly said anything about her sister beyond her being a mage and a good person.

"How did she die?" Anders asked, immediately regretting it and adding, "You don't have to say if you don't want to, of course."

Rain looked away, a scowl crossing her face. "When we were fleeing Lothering, an Ogre killed her."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." He could see that this was hard for her, even if Bethany's death had been years ago. He had never seen her like this. Rain was always so calm and composed, always ready with a witty remark or word of support for her friends and for anyone who needed it.

"It's alright," she replied, lifting the neckerchief up in front of her, "I just wish I could have done something."

Rain began walking towards the edge of the cliff. She stopped up onto a rock, a spark coming from her hand as she magically ignited the neckerchief. The wind pushed her closer to the edge, closer than Anders would like. He almost ran as she let the neckerchief go in the wind and teetered precariously over the sheer drop.

He grabbed her arm, pulling her down and away from the edge.

"Maker, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" he asked, as she looked up at him with a startled expression. He only realised now that in his effort to get her away from danger, he had pulled her into a very tight embrace. Her body was pressed against him, her hands on his chest again.

"So this is what I have to do to get a hug from you, is it?" she smiled, one hand fiddling with the small chain that was attached to his coat, just below his neck.

Anders' heart was pounding. Even more so because he knew she could feel it. Rain sighed.

"Thank you," she said.

"What for?"

"For coming with me to the Deep Roads. I know you didn't want to, that you only came because I asked you to, but if you hadn't been there, Carver would have…" she paused and stared at his chest. He felt a sob wrack her body. She took a deep breath, "Well, I'd be an only child now."

"I…" Anders struggled for words. What could he say? Carver may have been saved from the taint by becoming a Grey Warden, but it had been forced upon him. And being a Warden wasn't easy, or pleasant. But he was alive, and that was all that seemed to matter to Rain. A gust of wind blew across the grassy cliff, and Rain moved closer to him. He could feel her chest pushing against him, as she slipped her arms under his coat and around his middle. She rested her head on his chest.

"Anders?" Rain spoke, after a long silence.

"Hm?" He felt himself growing hot the more he thought about how close he was holding her. He didn't want to let go, but he had already told her, told himself, that this kind of thing was a bad idea for both of them.

"Take me home. It's cold."

Finally breaking the embrace, Anders let Rain loop her arm around his again as he led her back to Kirkwall. He couldn't quite remember the way out of the trees, but heading forward brought them to the path again. They followed it up and into the city, Anders making sure that they took the route he had found safest. The last thing they needed was a fight with one of those gangs. Lowtown was noisy, as usual, but once they reached Hightown everything grew quiet. They reached the top of the street's steps and stopped outside the door of the mansion Rain had recently bought.

Rain let go of his arm to open the door and paused in the doorway. She looked back at him,

"Would you come in?" she asked, adding, "Please?"

Normally he would have said no, but the way her eyes were begging made him step inside. She closed the door behind them and walked into the front room. It was empty; Bodahn, Sandal and Rain's mother were all asleep by now. Anders followed her up the stairs and stopped in the doorway as she entered her bedroom. She sat on her bed and sighed heavily.

"Are you all right, Rain?" She had been quiet all the way back and seemed so… sad. He had only seen her in a similar state once before, and that had been when Carver had revealed that he had the taint in the Deep Roads. The look on her face was heart breaking.

Rain nodded, "I'm… just going to try and get some sleep."

"All right. I'll…go," he turned to leave, but stopped as she spoke again.

"Don't go."

'I really should go,' was what he knew he should have said, but instead he found himself sitting next to her on her bed.

"Just… stay. Please," she asked, sliding her boots off her feet, "Until I fall asleep."

"If… that's what you want," Anders replied, not adding that he was thinking 'I'll stay forever, if you want me to'.

"Thank you," she smiled, hesitated, and then kissed him on the cheek, before lying down and curling up on her bed and closed her eyes.

Anders watched as her breathing eventually fell into the regular pattern of someone sleeping, still a little stunned by the kiss. He told himself that it was nothing, that wanting more of it was a bad idea, that it was just her way of saying thank you. Sighing, he lay down next to her, watching her eyelashes flutter as she dreamed. He gradually felt his eyes grow heavy and let himself fall asleep next to her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks to Eva Galana for correcting me on my timeline.**


	2. Chapter 2

"And you need me along for this why, _exactly?_" Fenris asked, begrudgingly following Rain, along with Anders and Merrill.

Rain sighed as she followed the well-worn trail through the Wounded Coast, "I've explained this already, Fenris: three mages are not very good at hitting things."

"Then you should have brought Aveline," he replied with a scowl, "Or less mages."

"Aveline's busy being Guard-Captain," Rain argued, pausing at the top of a hill. "And I need Anders in case we get into trouble."

"Why bring Merrill? She's just as likely to get us hurt as a bandit attack."

"Hey!" Merrill said in protest, "I do my best not to hit anyone with my staff. I've never hit _you_."

"Merrill's here because she asked to be." Rain pinched the bridge of her nose between her forefinger and thumb. It had been two years since she and Fenris had met, and all he ever did was give her a headache. She began wishing she'd just ignored the rumour of pirate treasure being stashed on the coast.

"I meant the blood magic," Fenris snarled in reply to Merrill.

"You bring that up every-"

"Quiet!" Anders' sudden outburst cut Merrill off, drawing a questioning look from Rain. "I think we're being followed," he added.

Rain looked back at the way they had come from, and upon seeing nothing, she shrugged, "I don't see anything."

"That doesn't change the fact that someone's following us," he told her, glancing nervously over his shoulder at the trail behind.

Anders had grown increasingly paranoid over the years and looked constantly tired. He spent his days and nights helping anyone who came to his clinic, often forgetting to eat. As such, Rain had taken to bringing him lunch every day and even tried to help with some of his patients- despite not having much skill with healing magic. She worried about him.

"Then we'll have to be careful," she said, before continuing along the trail.

The group continued in silence. Rain found herself listening to the regular thump-thump of her staff bouncing off her lower back, and the clinking of the light chainmail she had taken to wearing during outings such as this. Having memorised the route, she found it easy to let her mind wander and not get lost. However, this also meant that she wasn't paying attention when she almost bumped right into the Templar that had appeared ahead of her.

Rain felt a hand take her arm and pull her back. Startled, she realised that Anders had yanked her out of the armour clad man's reach, as two more Templars emerged from their hiding places. She cast a nervous glance at Anders as she felt the familiar change in air as Justice began to force his way through Anders' mind. Placing a hand on his chest to keep him back, she felt the heat emanating from his body.

"Calm down, Anders," she said firmly. She watched him struggle against the Fade spirit, and he seemed to remain in control. He didn't relax, however.

"_That's_ not the mage we're looking for," one of the Templars said, his voice nasal and echoing inside his helmet. He was the one Rain had almost ran in to.

"They're still mages," another replied, reaching for his sword.

"Why are you outside the Gallows, _mage_?" the nasal-voiced one demanded.

Before Rain could think of a reply, Merrill said "We're not from the Gallows."

Rain cringed, "Damn it, Merrill!"

"I recognise that one, Lieutenant" one of the Templars said to the nasal-voiced Templar, pointing at Rain, "She's that Hawke girl."

"We'd better be taking her to Meredith, then," the Lieutenant replied, in a voice that made it sound as if he were smirking.

The Templars were already drawing their blades, and were joined by more. Rain flinched and pulled her hand away from Anders as he launched himself at the Templars with a horrible, enraged scream. The blue fire had appeared on his skin, in his eyes, as Justice completely took over and began hurling flames and lightning. Rain pulled her staff free of her back and blocked an incoming sword, returning the blow with the bladed end. She fired lightning into the Templar and as he fried in his metal suit, she looked around to see more of them flooding to assist their fellows. She couldn't see Merrill, but could hear Fenris swearing in Tevinter somewhere nearby. And she could still hear Justice screaming.

Launching a bolt of magical fire from her staff at an advancing Templar, Rain drew on her mana to cast her chain lightning. The lightning arched from Templar to Templar, stopping some dead in their tracks and leaving others stunned. Having a somewhat clearer view of what was happening, Rain saw five Templars corner Merrill, only to be blasted apart by a fireball from Justice. Whipping around as she heard someone rushing towards her, Rain deflected another sword blow, and then watched the Templar stiffen and gurgle as Fenris' hand ripped its way through his chest. Rain nodded to the elf as thanks and the pair stood back to back, fending off swords and arrows. Releasing a blast of ice, Rain froze another Templar, and another, and another. She felt sweat dribble down the back of her neck, as the Templars eventually beat her, Fenris and Merrill into a corner. Merrill raised some rocks from the ground and sent them flying into the Templars, just as Justice was also forced into the corner. He was standing between them and Templars, rage and fire burning.

Rain began to panic. There were too many to fight, even if they did seemed disturbed by the sight of Justice and Fenris' ability to punch his arm through them. She knew Fenris was only fighting because they attacked him too, but she wasn't sure if he would still help defend her, or sell her, Anders and Merrill out to the Templars if it meant getting away. He had made it clear he didn't like any of them, after all, and that the only reason he was still there was because he owed Rain. She hoped that was enough. She fired another round of chain lightning into the Templar crowd, which was joined by another fireball from Justice.

"Rain," Merrill's frightening voice came over the yelling Templars.

"It's okay," Rain reassured her, "We're going to get out of this… _somehow_."

The Lieutenant, lightning still crackling through his body, pushed forward and brought the pommel of his sword into Justice's face with a sickening crack. Blood spurted, and Rain felt a scream tear out of her lips as he staggered back. The Lieutenant followed up by hitting him again with his shield, this time knocking Justice- no, Anders now, the blue flames were gone- to the ground. Merrill hit the Templar in the chest with a boulder from the cliff they were backed up against, giving Rain enough time to drag Anders out of his reach. Anders coughed through the blood coming from his nose.

"Anders!" Rain dropped her staff and drew on what little mana she had left to summon her basic healing spell. It stopped the bleeding, at least.

The Templars, who had now stopped their attack and taken up defensive stances, waited on their Lieutenant for orders. He had regained balance, and, brandishing his sword, said, "I'll give you this chance to come quietly, apostates, along with your glowing elf freak."

Rain glared, pulled Anders up and promptly spat at the Templar. The spit landed on the Sword of Mercy on the front of his chest plate with a 'plink'.

"Wrong answer," the man snarled, raising his sword

He was then suddenly yanked upward into the air, along with the rest of the Templars, and slammed right in to the ground with a crunch. Some of them were crushed into a pulp by the force and only a few, including the Lieutenant, managed to get to their feet.

"Maker's breath, what was that?" he demanded, surprise and terror evident in his voice.

Rain looked around with the exact same feeling. She hadn't done that. Merrill was also looking around for the source of whatever that force was and Anders was having trouble standing. It obviously couldn't have come from Fenris, either.

As if to answer the question, a woman dropped down from the cliff above them and stood between the Templars and Rain's group. She could only see this woman's back, so all Rain could see of her was the long black hair that reached down to her waist, and the gnarled branch with a blade tied to it in her hand.

"It's her!" the Lieutenant yelled, "Kill-"

The Templar was cut off mid-sentence, as the woman threw her staff like a spear directly at his head. It sheared through his helmet, the blade coming out of the back with a splatter of blood. While that had certainly scared a few of the Templars, they still advanced on the woman. The woman stepped forward, drew a knife from the belt around her waist and to Rain's horror, slashed open her wrist.

The magic rising from the blood, the woman held out both hands towards the Templars. She rose her hands up, and as she did, the Templars were lifted up into the air, arms and legs flailing as they screamed. The woman clenched her hands. The Templars were crushed, like pieces of paper. Her hands falling to her sides, the woman let the Templars drop to the floor. Her shoulders visibly moved as she breathed heavily. Too stunned to move, Rain gaped at her.

The woman yanked her staff out of the head of the Lieutenant and turned to face Rain and the others.

"Blood mage," Fenris growled, his grip tightening on his greatsword.

"A blood mage that just _saved your arse_," the woman replied, smirking. Her hair obscured most of her face, but Rain could see that her eyes were dark brown and had dark circles beneath them. Her clothes were tattered, made up of sewn together and patched pieces of fabric, with a blood stained corset laced around her middle. She wore a pair of leather boots that came up to her knees and a necklace hung from her neck. She walked towards them, and Rain waved her hand at Fenris.

"Stand down, Fenris," she said. He obeyed, albeit hesitantly.

Anders stared at the woman. He was wobbly and was leaning on Rain for support.

"_You?_" he said, a confused expression on his face.

"Do you know her?" Rain questioned, casting a wary glance in the woman's direction.

The woman laughed, "In more ways than one, sweetie." She walked right up to Anders, her smirk ever present, "Fancy meeting _you_ here, Anders."

"I could say the same, _Mirie_l," he replied, his expression now one of contempt.

"Would someone _please_ explain what's going on here?" Rain asked.

"This is Miriel Amell," Anders said with a sigh, "A former… _friend_ of mine." He almost spat the word 'friend'.

"_Amell_?" Rain gave Anders an incredulous look.

The woman- Miriel- had her wrist to her mouth, and was sucking at the slash she had made, "Yes, the once great and noble Amells," she said past her wrist, "And no need to introduce yourself, Rain Hawke. I already know who _you_ are."

Rain spluttered, "Who are you, really?"

"I'm your cousin, really."

"I'm confused," Merrill declared, "How are you Hawke's cousin?"

"Amell is my mother's maiden name," Rain told her.

"Your mother is Leandra Amell," Miriel said, "My mother was your mother's cousin."

"I'm still confused," Merrill said.

"Miriel was taken to the Circle in Ferelden, ran off, got picked up by the Wardens and helped the Hero of Ferelden end the Blight," Anders blurted out. He was almost glowering at Miriel.

Miriel nodded, "That's right. Then I became Warden-Commander."

Completely and absolutely confused, Rain ran a hand over her face, "I'm dreaming right? Tell me I'm dreaming. This doesn't make any sense."

"It makes _perfect_ sense," Miriel said, still sucking at the wound on her wrist.

Rain shook her head, "Warden-Commander? Of Ferelden? Then why are you here?"

Miriel shrugged, "I got bored."

Rain stared at her.

This woman, who had come out of nowhere and killed over a dozen Templars, with blood magic and some other magic Rain didn't recognise, was Warden-Commander of Ferelden and was Rain's cousin? Rain threw up her hands.

"I'm going home. I've had enough for one day, thank you very much," she retrieved her staff from where she had dropped it and turned to walk back up the path.

"Oh, I'd love to meet dear old Auntie," Miriel said, moving to follow. Her path was cut off as Anders stood in front of her.

"No," he said, glaring angrily at her.

"Still haven't let it go?" Miriel sneered.

Rain stopped and turned around, "Anders?"

"Let it go?" Anders was on the verge of yelling, "Miri, you turned on all of us for some stupid deal with a demon!"

"Ha! That's rich coming from you, Mr 'Let's go and be best friends with a crazy Fade spirit and _drink Templar blood!_" Miriel snapped.

Rain grabbed Anders by the arm. She had seen the familiar blue light rising in his eyes again. "Anders, I don't care who she is, or what she's done; she helped us and that's all. Now let's _go._" She laid forceful emphasis on the word 'go'.

"Fine," Anders spat, pulling his arm away and storming off up the trail.

Glancing at Miriel, who was still smirking, Rain hurried after Anders, Merrill close at her heels. Fenris followed a few seconds later.

"See you later, then," Miriel called, in an odd, mocking tone.

They made the trip back to Kirkwall in silence, Anders practically seething all the way there. Fenris left the moment they passed through the gates. Merrill said goodbye as they passed the alienage and as Anders turned to take the street to Darktown, Rain grabbed his arm.

"What in the Maker's name just happened, Anders?" she questioned, "Who _was_ she? Was she telling the truth? And iwhy/i do you seem to hate her so much?"

"She was telling the truth," he said, avoiding her eyes, "Miriel is your cousin."

"And you haven't mentioned this before because…?"

"Because she should be dead," he snapped, pulling himself free and continuing down the street.

Rain sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. "Too much, too soon…" she mumbled, turning to take the stairs up into Hightown. She hated it when Anders lost himself to Justice. It always left him angry for ages afterwards. And she _really_ didn't like the idea of having a blood mage who had supposedly betrayed her friends as a cousin. No matter how much she had done to defeat the Blight. And what had she meant by Anders knowing her 'in more ways than one'? She didn't mean- Rain felt an odd wrenching feeling of anger and jealousy. Shaking it off, she passed by the Hightown merchants and entered the square where her mansion was. Rain made up her mind. She was going to get a straight answer about this woman out of Anders, whether he liked it or not.


	3. Chapter 3

Rain ignored the drunken leering of a man staggering past her and pushed the door to Anders' clinic open with a shove from her hip. Her hands were full; she was carrying a basket. She smiled and said 'good afternoon' to the patients who watched her as she entered. Some were simply acknowledging her, while others curled their lip in contempt. They knew who she was- a former refugee, just like them, who was now living a nice and cushy life up in a Hightown Mansion. She knew they resented her for it and she could feel their eyes burning into the back of her head.

Anders was busy healing a nasty gash in a little boy's leg when Rain approached.

"Stay off the rooves from now on," Anders was saying as the magic closed the wound, "Those spikes are there for a reason."

The boy sniffed and said, "Okay," before being picked up by a woman- his mother, Rain assumed- who thanked Anders and made her way to the exit. Anders sighed and rubbed his face.

"Busy day?" Rain asked, as he turned around.

"Less people than there used to be," he replied. He looked haggard, as if he hadn't slept for days. Rain knew that he probably hadn't.

"Still enough to tire you out though," she said, then held out the basket with a smile, "I brought you this."

"Why do you insist on bringing me food?" he asked with a smile, taking the basket from her and placing it on a bench as he sat down.

"Because I know you won't get anything to eat unless I make you," Rain sat down beside him, crossing her legs and using her hands to keep herself upright on the bench.

"That's true," Anders said as he opened the basket. He let out a surprised laugh, "Pie, Rain?"

There was a small pie inside the basket, along with two sandwiches.

Rain laughed, "You're lucky; usually Sandal eats them all the moment mother bakes them."

"Made by Leandra too?" he made a face, "You're spoiling me, Rain."

"I'm trying to fatten you up so I can eat you."

Anders laughed. Rain couldn't help but smile at the way his eyes wrinkled at the corners. She always tried her hardest to make him smile- she felt that if she could make him happy at least for a moment, then she was helping him forget everything. Justice; the plight of the mages; everything. She watched him wolf down the pie, followed by the two sandwiches. She sighed and looked around the clinic. There were always people there, even if they didn't really need Anders' help right away. They weren't looking at her, but she could feel them watching.

"Thanks, Rain," Anders said, "I tend to forget when I'm hungry."

"I know," she replied, still looking at the other people. "Next time, I'll bring more food."

"You don't have to do that," he said, standing as a woman came through the door with a heavily bandaged arm.

"I do," Rain said quietly, as the woman franticly explained to Anders that her arm had been burned. She said that she had done her best, but it just ended up getting worse. Anders helped her unravel the bandage. Rain winced when she saw the burn.

"Can I help?" she asked, standing up and walking over to them. "I mean, I'm not very good with healing magic still but…"

"I can do most of the work alone," Anders said, "But help would be nice."

"Alright," she said. She was nervous all of a sudden. "What should I do?"

"Just give me your hands," he said, taking her hands and placing them over the woman's arm, just above the burned skin. He then put his hands on top of hers. Rain felt her heart jolt a little inside her chest. "Help me out with the magic," he said, "And let me handle the healing."

Rain's hands tingled as the familiar, soft blue glow of Anders' magic filtered through them. She knew he had told her to let him handle the healing, but she couldn't help but pitch in with a little of her own to take more of the strain off him. The woman's skin began to change, as if it were re-growing. Rain began studying Anders' hands as she let the magic work. His fingers were longer than hers, and a bit bony. He also had two small moles on his right hand. Rain smiled, thinking they were cute. The tingling of the magic stopped, and Rain pulled her attention away from Anders' to see that woman's arm was as good as new. Rain took her hands away from the woman's arm and found that she missed the warmth of Anders' hands on hers the moment they were gone. Pushing the feeling away, she smiled and nodded as the woman thanked them fervently, before leaving with a smile. Rain looked at Anders, and saw he was almost grinning at her.

She frowned, "What?"

"I thought you said you weren't very good with healing magic," he said, crossing his arms.

"_I'm not_," she said adamantly, "I've only just taught myself to use it, and I'm terrible with it."

"That's not what I just saw."

"Huh?"

He nodded in the direction that the woman had left, "_You_ were the one who fixed her arm."

"No I didn't," she shook her head, confused, "You did."

"I started to, but then I felt you using your own magic and let you do it. I only helped."

Rain remembered how the woman's arm had looked before it had been healed. Normally, it would have been cut off. However, magic had made it as if it had never happened. She stared at her hands for a moment and then looked at Anders.

"I did that?" she asked, and when Anders nodded, she smiled. "Can I help some more, then?"

He chuckled, "If you want to."

Rain spent the rest of the day helping the patients in the clinic. While Anders dealt with more serious things such as broken bones, life threatening illnesses and nearly-amputated limbs, Rain helped with the smaller things. She closed knife wounds and a sprained wrist for a very hung over man, healed bruises and bee stings for a little boy, and at one point just helped make one woman's headache go away. Rain felt elated- the whole reason she had learned healing magic was to help people, and now she was doing just that, even if it was in a small way.

When the last patient finally left the clinic, it was dark out. Rain was sitting on the end of a cot in the corner, fighting off a yawn. She was dog tired, but it felt good. Anders sat in a chair nearby as she failed to supress the yawn.

"Tired?" he asked, the light of the candle on the table dancing over his face. He brushed some loose strands of his blonde hair out of his face.

"Yes," Rain yawned again, "But I don't mind. I liked helping them. You know why I taught myself how to heal with magic?"

"Why?"

"Because of Bethany." She looked down at her feet. Anders said nothing. "I couldn't do anything then. I couldn't help her. I told myself I wasn't going to let it happen again," she sighed and looked up at the ceiling, "If I'd known then what I do now, maybe…" Rain shook her head, "It doesn't matter now. The past is the past."

Still, Anders remained silent.

"Speaking of the past," Rain looked at him, "_Miriel_. You two have history."

Anders sighed, "Yes, we do."

"Then tell me."

Running a hand over his face, Anders asked, "You're not going to drop this, are you?"

"No."

"Fine. I'll tell you everything I know about her. "

"Everything? Including why you hate her?"

"Yes."

"Good," Rain moved herself into a more comfortable position on the cot by lying on her side and propping her head up on her hand. She had to move an embroidered pillow out of the way to get a proper balance.

"Miriel used to be a mage in the Circle in Ferelden," Anders began, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together. "I knew of her, but never really talked to her. From what I understand, she escaped a few years after I did. She and her friend, Jowan, planned their escape from the Circle with the aid of an Initiate. They broke into the repository where the phylacteries were kept and destroyed Jowan's, so the Templars couldn't track him down. Miri had already taken her Harrowing, so hers wasn't there. She was confident she could get away regardless. It turned out that the First Enchanter and the Knight-Commander knew about their plan, and when they turned up to try and stop them, Jowan used blood magic to escape. He ran off without Miri. She was left behind, to be punished by the Templars. I don't know what they did to her. She would never tell me. They put her in solitary confinement afterwards; just in case she was a blood mage, too."

"And she was," Rain said.

Anders sighed, "Yes. She persuaded her guard to open the door, killed him, and used his blood to summon some Shades to cover her escape. She fled south, hoping to lose the Templars in the war against the Blight. That was when Duncan- the Warden Commander of Ferelden- found her, using her magic to turn some Darkspawn on a pair of Templars. Duncan invoked the Right of Conscription, making her a Grey Warden."

"I imagine the Templars weren't happy about that," Rain commented.

"They were dead, so I don't think they cared," Anders shrugged. "Miriel was made a Grey Warden, along with another recruit, Aedan Cousland."

"The Hero of Ferelden?"

"Yes," he leaned back in his chair, staring off into the air. "As you know, the battle at Ostagar went bad, resulting in Duncan and King Cailan being killed. Along with another surviving Warden, Alistair, Cailan's half-brother, Miriel and Aedan went about amassing an army to defeat the Blight."

"Alistair is the King of Ferelden now, isn't he?"

Anders frowned, "Do you have to keep interrupting?"

"Sorry. Carry on."

"They raised their army," he continued, "Killed Teryn Loghain and made Alistair king. The Archdemon attacked Denerim, and was killed by Aedan. Once the battle was over, Miriel was made the new Warden Commander, and Aedan left for Weisshaupt Fortress. Miriel went to The Vigil's Keep in Amaranthine, which was now the base of operation for the Wardens in Ferelden. That's when I met her."

He was quiet for a moment, and leaned forward in his chair again. "I had been captured by Templars and was being kept at the Vigil until I could be taken to Aeonar; the place in Ferelden where mages are locked up if they... go bad. The Vigil was attacked by Darkspawn. The Darkspawn killed the Templars, I killed the Darkspawn, and Miriel asked me to stick around and help retake The Vigil. Once we had, King Alistair and a Templar called Rylock paid a visit. Rather than hand me over, Miri conscripted me."

"So… Miriel saved you?" Rain asked. She was now lying on her front across the cot, her elbows on the pillow with her head held up in her hands.

"She did," he said with a sigh. "And later on, when the Rylock and her Templars laid a trap for me using my phylactery as bait, she still refused to let them take me. She killed them all. She was the one who gave me Ser Pounce-A-Lot, too."

"Then why do you hate her so much?"

"Everything that she did for me just made…" he scowled and shook his head, "It made what she eventually did _much_ worse."

"I… see. I'll let you continue, then."

"Miriel recruited more people into the Grey Wardens; Nathaniel Howe, her old friend Oghren, a dwarf called Sigrun and a Dalish Keeper, Velanna. Something was going on with the Darkspawn; they were getting smart, talking, planning on their own. Miriel wanted to find out why. That was also when…when I met Justice."

Anders closed his eyes and was quiet again. Rain bit back the urge to say something.

"We met him in Blackmarsh," Anders continued, "When a Darkspawn trapped us in the Fade, it turned out that the place had been cursed by some crazy, evil witch calling herself 'The Baroness', who had imprisoned an entire village in the Fade just so she could torture them. Justice wanted to stop her, so we helped. Before we could kill her, the Baroness broke us all out of the Fade. Justice included. It trapped Justice in the body of a dead Warden, Kristoff. Once we killed the Baroness, Justice decided to stay and carry out Kristoff's duty.

We found out that a… sentient? I don't know if that's the right word… A Darkspawn thing, calling itself the Architect was behind the attack on the Vigil. It- he?- was making the Darkspawn smart. He'd done so with a Broodmother- a thing that makes Darkspawn- but all it had done was make her insane. She attacked the City of Amaranthine, and The Vigil. We fought off both attacks, and Miriel said that we had to go after this 'Mother' and kill her. We went into the Deep Roads to find her lair and met the Architect. He wanted Miriel to kill the Mother and let him live; he said he was trying to make the Darkspawn think, like people. Telling us that smart Darkspawn would be worse than another Blight, Miriel killed the Architect. We then killed the Mother and returned to The Vigil. It wasn't long after that that she and I…well…"

"This is the part where you explain what she meant by knowing you 'in more ways than one'?" She didn't mean for it to come out so angrily, but Rain couldn't help but feel jealousy bubbling up inside her. She fought it back down.

"It was just sex," he said with a sigh, "We were both from the Circle, we both had had it drummed into our heads that letting feelings get involved just meant there was one more thing the Templars could use against us. But maybe that was the reason why I didn't see her change- or maybe I did, and just didn't want to."

"What do you mean?"

"The Wardens recruited a few Templars and sent them to The Vigil- we were told it was just to bolster our ranks, but Miri and I knew better. They were sent there to keep an eye on us. Miriel _hated_ Templars. She never told me why she hated them so much, but whenever she talked about them it was as if she couldn't hold back her rage. The only reason she didn't kill the Templars was because the First Warden had sent them. Since then, she spent more and more of her time locked in her room and when she was around the Templars, she showed off her blood magic. She began using it more and more, even sometimes using the blood from wounds the Templars sustained in battle to fuel her spells. When we weren't having sex or killing Darkspawn, she was going on and on at me at how much she loathed them, how she sometimes felt that she should just summon a demon and kill them. She told me that if it came to that, that I should help her."

"And did she?" Rain asked, after a long pause.

"Sort of," he ran his hands over his face, "She and I, some Warden Templars and two recruits were out hunting down some Darkspawn stragglers. We tracked them into some ruins, killed them and then we… found something there. There was a shrine- probably made by the Tevinters- with a demon bound to it. Miriel spoke to it, at first just to upset the Templars." He shook his head, "The demon offered her a deal- Miriel would let it in to her body and with that power, they would overthrow the Templars and free the mages. I told her- almost begged her, even- not to listen to it. She went mad. She screamed at me, saying that for all my talk of being free, of that mages shouldn't be imprisoned, I wasn't ready to get my hands dirty. She said that freedom couldn't be earned peacefully, that the change had to be forced."

"Sounds familiar."

"I know," his voice wavered, as if he were holding back tears. "She killed the Templars and the recruits, and then started using their blood to free the demon. I… stabbed her in the back before she could do it. I left her for dead. I was horrified by what she had become, what she had tried to do but… her words never left me. With Justice telling me the same, I… I couldn't just sit idly by any more. It wasn't long after that that I joined with Justice and fled here, to Kirkwall. And, well… you know the rest."

Rain stared at him. He looked almost broken about what had happened. She wished she hadn't asked.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, sitting up. "I shouldn't have made you tell me."

"No," he said, straightening up, "You had a right to know. She's your cousin. And I'd rather you ask me than her about her past."

"I just…" she looked away, "It's hard to imagine that someone who did so much good could end up… doing what she did. I understand why you hate her now. And why you said she should be dead."

"That's just it," he said, his voice cold, "She isn't dead. She should have died in that place, but she didn't."

Rain gave him a worried look, "You think the demon possessed her, don't you? That's why she's still alive."

"Yes."

"Anders, I know you don't want to hear this but…" she bit her lip. Was it really a good idea to say what she was thinking? The hate and the pain were evident in his voice and on his face. "She sounds a lot like _you_."

"I am nothing like her!" He spat, and Rain flinched as she saw a spark of blue in his brown eyes.

"Anders, please calm down," she held out her hands, trying her best to hide the fact that she was terrified at the thought of Justice turning on her. "I meant that she wanted mages to be free, like _you_ do, and that she made a… questionable choice."

"It wasn't questionable," Anders snapped, though the anger that he had shown previously had gone.

"She wanted a good thing, Anders, it's just-"she yawned halfway through her sentence, despite her best efforts to hold it back- "The way she went about it wasn't right."

"I know," he stood up and sighed, running a hand through his hair, "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to get angry. Not at you."

"It's alright, Anders."

"No, it's not," a look of anguish crossed his face as he walked to the edge of the cot, "I know you get scared when Justice comes through- you try to hide it but it's still there." He turned away, "I don't want to hurt you."

Rain took his hand, and pulled him down to sit beside her. He still wouldn't look at her, so she grabbed him by the chin and turned his head.

"You will never hurt me," she said with a smile, "Yes, I get frightened sometimes, but I trust you." She supressed another yawn, and cursed herself for yawning when she was trying to be reassuring.

"That's a lot of trust to place in me," he said, "I don't know if I deserve it."

"You do," she told him, "You're a good man, Anders. And… and a good friend."

She fumbled with the word 'friend'. Somehow, it felt wrong saying it, as if her mind was telling her that he wasn't a friend to her. She knew that she felt something more than that; that she wanted him to be more. But she wasn't sure if he did. He had said that any relationship with him was a bad idea. She saw… something in his eyes when she said it, but she didn't know what. She cursed herself as she yawned yet again. She rubbed her eyes with her hand.

"It's pretty late," she said, breaking the awkward silence.

"It is," he replied, looking grateful for the change of subject. "Want me to walk you home?"

"Um, if you don't mind," she said through a yawn, "I'll just go to sleep here. I'm too tired to walk."

"Ah, alright then," he seemed surprised, and moved so that she could lie down. He handed her the pillow, which she tucked under her head. The moment she closed her eyes, she was fast asleep.

As Rain's breathing assumed a regular pace, Anders took off his coat and laid it over her. He watched her fingers and lips twitch, and her eyelashes flutter as she dreamed. Strands of hair that had come free of her ponytail fell over her face as she turned a little in her sleep. Gently, Anders brushed her hair behind her ear. She looked… content, even if she were sleeping in a ratty cot in the underbelly of Kirkwall. She studied the curve of her lips as they moved a little; her slightly upturned nose and the small beauty mark just under her right eye. Sighing, he put his head in his hands.

'Friend', she'd said. He had warned her away from him, telling her that getting involved with him would only get her hurt, yet despite that he had hoped she wouldn't listen. But she had. He rose, and walked to the corner nearby. Sitting down on the floor, he rested his head against the wall and watched her sleep.

Regardless of his own feelings, if a friend was what she wanted, then he would be that friend


	4. Chapter 4

"Your healing aura is improving," Anders told Rain, looking over her shoulder. The restorative magic emitted a soft, pale blue glow as it flowed around her body and across the broken leg of a girl that had been brought to the clinic. Rain finished healing the break and looked up at him.

"It's still nowhere near the torrent that you can summon up," she said with a smile, whilst returning the girl to her mother waiting nearby. Rain pushed her hair back and wiped a drop of sweat from her brow.

Today had been particularly busy in the clinic; there had been a fire in Darktown, which had been started by an apostate attempting to flee a Templar. Rain had arrived just in time to keep a Justice controlled Anders from tearing the Templar's head off. The apostate had escaped in the confusion, as Rain managed to calm Anders down and turn back into himself. They had both helped put out the fire- using ice spells the moment the Templar had ran off in the general direction of the apostate. The fire was stopped before it had spread too far, but there were still many injured people because of it. Rain had stayed to help Anders; he had long since given up on telling her that he could handle things on his own.

"So many people hurt because of one man's actions," Rain said with a sigh, looking at the remaining handful of patients.

"It was the Templar's fault," Anders replied, that familiar expression of loathing crossing his face. "He had the lad practically cornered."

"Yes, Anders," she sighed again, moving on to an old man with a burnt face. It was useless arguing with him; either they would talk circles around each other, or it would end up with Anders yelling that she was just as bad as 'those pawns in the Circle'. She had given up trying to explain to him that Templars and mages were just as bad as each other.

She received a rather nasty scowl, but she ignored it and continued to heal the burns. Neither she nor Anders said anything more as they dealt with the rest of the patients.

Over the past three years, Rain had forced herself to grow up fast. She had been twenty five when she had come to Kirkwall and even though she had been the one looking after her family for the last three of those, she had been so naïve. She had truly believed that the Blight would end and they could all go back home again. But Lothering was gone, her sister was dead, and her brother as good as, while her mother- who had made it clear that she was staying put- blamed her for everything. That one night in the clearing was the last time she had cried. She had made a promise, to Bethany, Carver, her mother and herself that she wouldn't fail as horribly as she had again. That was the reason she was staying here, that was the reason she was helping the people of Kirkwall with every tiny little problem she had. Or so she told herself.

She heard Anders coughing somewhere across the room behind her. She continued to ignore him. That was the only way she could cope being around him now. Ignore the angry words, the endless rants about the plight of the mages, about why she should be helping. Ignore the sad, lonely look he had on his face when he thought she couldn't see him; ignore the way he looked at her from across the room with those warm brown eyes. She had tried to make her feelings clear to him, that she felt that they could be more than just friends- despite what she had said to him that night he let her stay here. She couldn't lie to herself about it anymore. But every time she tried, he deflected her with more warnings that he would hurt her, that he wasn't the right person. So she had become bitter, frustrated. She began to hide herself behind cynicism and threw up walls of sarcasm to mask her true feelings.

She could have anyone. She knew that; she had the money to pay for any one of the 'workers' at The Blooming Rose, and Isabela had made it more than obvious that she was up for a quick tumble the moment Rain said the word. She had even tried flirting with Fenris right in front of Anders, in an effort to get at least some sort of reaction out of him. There was no denying that she did find the lyrium elf attractive. But the only person she wanted, that she felt understood, continued to push her away.

Anders was coughing again, as he told the last patient to keep her baby in a relatively clean room, and to keep the windows open until the smoke and ashes from the fire cleared. Rain leaned against one of the wooden pillars that supported the ceiling, letting her body recuperate from using so much mana. She gave Anders a concerned look as he coughed loudly whilst sorting through some paper on his desk.

"Anders…" she began, but was cut off by him.

"Have you seen Miriel again?" he asked, stuffing the paper into a drawer.

"No; I haven't seen her since she saved us that day. "

He was coughing again; this time the coughs were so powerful he was leaning against the desk.

"Are you all right?" she asked him, as she walked over to the desk and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine," he told her, "And you're sure? You are absolutely sure that she hasn't tried to talk to you, or Leandra?"

"Anders, I think I'd know if a psychopathic blood mage tried to talk to me or my mother," she replied, grabbing his chin to force him to look at her. She pressed the back of her hand to his forehead. His skin beneath hers was hot, and slightly damp. "I don't think you're fine."

He pushed her away, "It's nothing."

"You have a fever, Anders," she said firmly.

"I'm just a little tired. And you can't tell me that Miriel hasn't at least tried to contact you."

"It's been two years since I met her. She has had plenty of time to try. But she hasn't. Stop worrying that she'll turn up one day and try to drink my blood."

He scowled at her, "This is _not_ funny, Rain. She is _dangerous_. And I know she's still in Kirkwall. _She has to be_."

Rain was about to comment on his last part sounding oddly hopeful, when they were interrupted as Aveline entered the clinic.

"Hawke," she said, "I thought I'd find you here."

"Hello Aveline," Rain greeted her friend with a smile, "What do you need?" Anders coughed into his hand.

"I need your help with something," Aveline told her.

"Bandits giving your men trouble again?" Rain asked with a smirk.

"You know fine well my men can handle bandits," Aveline replied with a smile- she was used to Rain's teasing her over everyone throwing her their problems. "But this is different," she continued, "It involves a dispute over the Qunari, and I know you're good at defusing this kind of thing."

"All right," Rain sighed, making her way towards the door as a woman hurried past cradling her arm. She glanced over her shoulder at Anders, "Once you've helped this woman, you had better get some rest," she told him, before leaving with Aveline.

"You spend a lot of your time in that clinic," Aveline said as they took the stairs up in to Lowtown.

"Your point?"

"Why?"

Rain sighed, and dodged around two children playing chase, "I want to help people."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"You keep on telling yourself that, then."

The 'dispute' had been between two merchants fighting to the 'right' to get into the Qunari compound, which lead to an audience with the Viscount, which then lead to an audience with the Arishok. Someone had stolen some fake recipe for their explosive powder- it was actually for some sort of poison gas that made people go mad- and the Arishok had thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if he told Rain. The subsequent goose chase had Rain, Aveline, Isabela and Sebastian chasing down a scape goat while the real thief made barrels of the gas and released it on an entire street. The gas burned when it was breathed in, making the fight against the crazed mercenaries and citizens even more unpleasant. When they had finally sealed all of the barrels, the culprit revealed herself to be an elven zealot, enraged that her own people were defecting to the Qunari. She had meant to use the explosive powder against the Qunari, but had instead gassed everyone in their homes. Regardless, she seemed to think it would still lead to the Qunari being blamed. Explaining this mess to the Arishok and the Viscount was the cherry on top of the crazy-cake.

By the time they had finished, it was getting dark. Isabela had done her usual disappearing act when it came to entering the Qunari compound and Sebastian said something about going to pray, leaving Rain and Aveline alone. Rain sighed, screwed her eyes shut, and pinched the bridge of her nose with her forefinger and thumb.

"Zealots, loony-gas and angry ox-men- what next?" she mumbled.

"The mages all go mad and eat the Grand Cleric," Aveline said, with a completely straight face, "And the Knight-Commander falls into a barrel of lyrium and runs through Kirkwall naked."

"You are joking, right?" Rain asked with a laugh, "Because that would be disturbing."

Aveline laughed and followed her as she made her way back to Darktown. "Checking on Anders?" she asked.

"Just making sure he hasn't run off to eat Elthina and pushed Meredith into some lyrium," she chuckled.

"You never know with him," Aveline said.

"It's difficult to decide if you want to hug him, or slap him," Rain replied, ignoring the smell of sewage, vomit and Maker knows what else hit her as they reached Darktown. The usual leers Rain received were absent tonight- having Aveline around probably scared all the men off. And the children- a fact that Rain joked to Aveline about. The doors were closed when they arrived at the clinic, but the light coming from the gaps beneath them indicated that Anders was home- if he could call this place home. Rain pushed a door open and peered inside. She couldn't see Anders, though, so she stepped through the door. Once she was in the room, Rain saw Anders' coat draped over a chair, along with his shirt.

"Anders?" she said softly, finding him slumped over that cot he used to sleep in. He was bare chested and lying flat on his face, as if he had gotten halfway through getting undressed before passing out. As she sat down on the end of the cot, Rain saw the sweat beaded on his skin. His breathing was laboured and she winced as she saw his ribs showing. _Stupid man never eats enough,_ she thought, as she turned him over by the shoulder. She expected him to wake up, but he didn't. It was then that she realised he _had_ passed out. His skin was flushed and hot- hotter than before, when she had felt his forehead.

"Idiot!" she spat, turning awkwardly to face the door, "Aveline, get in here!"

The redheaded woman came rushing in, alarmed and a bit confused.

"He's passed out and has a fever," Rain explained quickly, getting up. "You take his legs- I need you to help me carry him to my house."

"What? Why?" Aveline asked, as Rain grabbed Anders' clothes from the chair. "Can't you just heal him?"

Rain shook her head, "Magic doesn't work like that on illnesses," she said, slinging the coat and shirt over her shoulder, "If you catch it early, you can alleviate most of it. Which he _should_ have done, but obviously he was too busy with whoever came through that door to look after himself."

Aveline nodded, though she still looked slightly puzzled as she took Anders' legs. Rain hooked her arms under his and lifted him. He was surprisingly- or rather, worryingly- light. With Aveline's help, she carried him out of the clinic and through the alleyways that she had memorised as being the quickest way out of Darktown.

"Stupid man," she mumbled, "You're always forgetting about yourself and fretting over everyone else."

Rain was covered in sweat by the time they reached the door to her Hightown mansion, though most of it was from Anders. She slung his arm over her shoulder and dragged him through the door as Aveline held it open. They were greeted by a startled Leandra.

"Maker's breath, Rain!" the woman exclaimed, as she pulled the folds of her dressing gown around herself and pushed back her grey hair.

"He's sick mother," Rain blurted out, whilst Aveline helped her get Anders up the stairs.

"Is that that Anders lad?" her mother asked, following them.

"Yes," she replied, indicating at the door to her room with a nod of her head. Aveline pulled it open as Rain managed to get Anders across the balcony at the top of the stairs.

"All right love," Leandra said, giving Rain an unexpected pat on the arm, "You go and look after him." She went in to her own bedroom with a knowing smile.

Rain shrugged it off as she dropped Anders onto her bed.

"Thanks Aveline," she said, and proceeded to unlace Anders' boots.

"Right," Aveline said, "Do you need any more help?"

Rain shook her head, pulling the boots off and putting them aside, "Wait, yes, on your way out, ask Bodahn to bring me some elfroot."

Aveline nodded and left, glancing over her shoulder as she passed through the doorway to see that Rain was now relieving Anders of his trousers. She chuckled as she went down the stairs and told Bodahn what was going on.

"You've probably got a headache too, haven't you?" Rain said to Anders, not caring that he probably couldn't hear her. She called forth her healing aura and pressed her hand to his forehead, letting the magic flow through. His fever abated somewhat. Rain continued to pour healing magic into him until Bodahn appeared, with a box of elfroot in his arms.

Rain laughed, "I hope I won't need that much, Bodahn."

"You can never be too careful, messere," he told her, placing the box on the bedside drawers. "I'll have Sandal fetch some cold water and a cloth," he added.

"Oh, could you also have his clothes washed, please?" Rain asked before he left the room, "I don't know if he's ever had them cleaned, actually."

"Of course," the dwarf collected the dirty and sweaty clothes and hurried out of the room.

Sandal arrived a few minutes later, balancing a bowl of cold water in each hand. He had the cloth over his head. Looking up from the elfroot she was preparing, Rain laughed and took the bowls from him.

"Thank you Sandal," she said, placing one bowl next to the elfroot to free her hand to take the cloth as well.

Sandal grinned, "Make him better!"

Rain smiled at Sandal, "I will. Oh, and bring me some hot water, please."

As Sandal left, Rain soaked the cloth in the cold water and then wrung it out a little. She laid it over Anders' forehead, who coughed feebly.

"Bloody fool," she whispered, moving his hair away from his face. "Just because you're a healer, you think you can't get sick."

She returned to her elfroot, which she was using to make a solution her father had taught her when she had been ill. She stewed the ground leaves in the hot water Sandal brought for a while, and when she looked up from her work, she realised that Anders was watching her.

Smiling at him, she leaned over and took the cloth to feel his forehead. "That's a bit better," she said, soaking the cloth again.

"Rain," he coughed, "Where are my clothes?"

Rain giggled, "I relieved you of them so Bodahn could wash them."

"Uh…" he stammered, and Rain couldn't tell if he was blushing or it was just his fever making him red.

She placed the cloth over his forehead again, "I left your smallclothes on, silly. I'm not a lecherous old hag or anything."

"Am I…in your bed?" he asked, as she went to get the glass of elfroot-liquid she'd made.

"Yes," Rain sat on the edge of the bed next to him, "Now let me help you sit up."

He seemed adamant to struggle into a sitting position on his own, but once he was up Rain put her arm around him to support him as another coughing fit hit him. She offered the glass to him.

"Here," she said as he took it from her with a questioning look, "This is a little something my father taught me. It'll help you feel better."

Knowing he had no choice anyway, Anders drank the… whatever it was that was in the glass. He grimaced as it went down- it tasted horrible. He coughed into his hand whilst giving the glass back with the other.

"Maker, that's _awful_," he said through his coughs.

Rain laughed, "It isn't medicine if it doesn't taste horrible."

She placed the glass on the drawers again and made him lie back down.

"Rain," he said, futilely fighting against her as she pulled the sheets up, "You don't have to do this-"

"I do," she interrupted, soaking the cloth again, "You are a _brilliant_ healer, Anders," she returned the now cold cloth, "But you're terrible at looking after yourself."

"So you're going to look after me?" he rubbed his face with his hand.

"Yes," she said flatly.

He sighed and closed his eyes, giving in to her stubbornness.

Rain stood up and began to leave the room, "You get some sleep," she told him, "And I'll see you in the morning."

"Wait, where will you sleep?" he asked, opening his eyes again.

"Don't you worry about me," she said with a smile, "You get some rest." With that, she left, shutting the door behind her.

Now that she was away from him, Rain felt her heart fluttering. She sat in a chair in the study. She had a half-naked man in her bedroom. In her _bed. A half-naked Anders in_ her _bed._ She had to remind herself that he was also running a high fever and had a cough that sounded as if his lungs were tearing themselves apart. But she couldn't forget the feeling of his body pressing against hers as she had struggled to undress him. Sighing, Rain put her head in her hands. Her thoughts went back to the image of his ribs showing through his skin, of him lying there looking so weak and helpless. And that lonely expression when he thought no one saw him. All she wanted to do was to let him know that he wasn't alone, that she was there for him, that she cared for him.

_Why can't he just let me..?_

As another bout of coughing abated, Anders shifted under the thin sheets. He was burning and every part of him ached. He thought of Rain's hands on his skin, soft, gentle, yet firm as she insisted on looking after him. Even after all he had done to push her away, he was amazed that she hadn't given up on him and simply left him in the clinic. He thought of that caring smile she had given him as she felt the room.

_It's getting harder to resist every day_.


	5. Chapter 5

Anders was healing the broken legs of a Bone Pit miner that Rain had brought to his clinic. She had felt partly responsible for the man's injuries, since she owned half of the mine, so she was helping as well. She was also trying to take most of the strain off Anders; it had been a week since he had recovered from his illness and he should really be resting still. Rain knew that he wouldn't, however.

Fixing broken bones was unpleasant work and more difficult than cuts and burns, but together Anders and Rain had the man walking again. He thanked them fervently, telling them that if they hadn't helped he'd be crippled and begging in a gutter for food.

"How are you feeling?" Rain asked Anders, once the miner had left.

"I've already told you," he said with a sigh, "I feel fine. Good, even."

"I'm just checking," Rain replied, "I worry about you."

"I know," Anders rolled his eyes, "Which you shouldn't."

"I do anyway," she said under her breath, glancing around the clinic. Apart from Rain and Anders, it was empty.

They were seeing fewer patients than usual recently, and even less Ferelden refugees. It was a good sign; it meant that Aveline's guardsmen were doing their jobs well and the refugees had moved on. But Rain couldn't help but feel unhappy about it. Fewer patients meant that Anders was concentrating more and more on freeing the mages. He had even disappeared the day before and when he returned he would tell Rain nothing about what he had been doing. She knew it was because he didn't want her getting involved, that by not telling her he was protecting her, but that just made her angry. She wasn't a child, or some helpless, fragile maiden- she could look after herself. _I've proved that on more than one occasion_, she thought, as a small ginger tabby cat sleeping in the corner lifted its head. It had large brown eyes. _Odd eye colour for a cat._

"I didn't know you had a cat," she said to Anders, who was sorting through some poultices he kept at the back of the clinic.

"I don't," he said, not looking up from what he was doing.

"Then whose cat is it?"

He finally looked up at her, then at the cat as she pointed. Panic crossed his face as he saw it, followed by anger. Suddenly he was standing between Rain and the cat, which was walking towards them.

"That's not a cat," he said through his teeth.

"Wha-" Rain was interrupted by Anders pushing her back, as the cat stretched and yawned.

"You think I wouldn't recognise _that_ form?" he growled at the cat, "I'm not an idiot, _Miriel_."

The cat yowled and rose up onto its hind legs. There was a surge of magic as the cat was enveloped by a white light. Its body elongated and changed, and as the light faded, a woman stood in its place. Miriel.

"Of course you're not," she said, tilting her head from side to side, making her neck click. "I wanted to see if you still remembered it."

"How could I forget it?" he replied, almost frozen still to the spot, "You copied it off Ser Pounce-A-Lot."

Miriel ran a hand through her hair, "Whatever happed to him?"

"What are you doing here, Miri?" Anders asked, ignoring her question. Miriel let out a mocking laugh.

"Oh, stop being so defensive," she said, "It's not impressing anyone. Hello again, Rain."

"Um, hello," Rain replied, trying to get around Anders, who positioned himself between her and Miriel every time one of them moved even an inch.

"Anders, I'm sure the lady can look after herself," Miriel said in a chastising tone, "She's _my_ cousin, after all."

"You don't have to protect me," Rain told him, putting a hand on his arm. She could see how tense he was getting in Miriel's presence. And Anders being tense led to Anders being angry; which always led to Justice taking control. He didn't relax and still wouldn't let Rain past him.

Miriel sighed, "Look, if I had come here to attack you, I would have done so already."

"Then why _are_ you here?" Anders demanded, though he had relaxed enough to allow Rain to stand next to him rather than behind.

"I need your help."

"I meant literally, Miriel. Why are you here? _I killed you._"

"Well you didn't do a very good job, did you?" Miriel snapped.

Rain grabbed Anders' arm as he made a movement as if he were about to lunge at Miriel. She could see the fury building up and could feel him fighting to keep Justice at bay.

"Anders, listen to her," Rain said firmly, "She needs help."

"Why would she need _our _help?" he spat.

"Just hear her out," she told him, still keeping her hold on his arm. "Please," she added.

Anders glared at Miriel, "Well?"

"This is not an easy choice," Miriel said, looking away for a moment, "I would have rather not come to you…" she trailed off, and for a brief second she almost looked sad.

"But you're the only people I know that will help me," she continued, "You've helped mages escape Kirkwall before- especially you, Anders. And Rain has enough money and friends to keep what…what I need help with quiet."

Miriel had begun pacing the room; she suddenly seemed nervous and was constantly looking back at the door.

"Get to the point, Miri," Anders said, not taking his eyes off her.

She stopped pacing and ran a hand over her face. Pushing her hair back, she sighed.

"There's a little girl. She's a mage. They're going to take her to the Gallows, force her into the Circle. But she doesn't want that."

She walked closer to them and Anders tensed up again, though he didn't jump between her and Rain this time.

"I know a family outside of Kirkwall who are willing to take her in, but I need help getting her out."

"And you can't do this yourself?" Anders asked. He sounded much less angry than earlier.

"I am a _blood mage_. I've been running and hiding from the Templars since I saw you last, and it's only a matter of time before they catch up with me again. I don't know the people you know; I don't know how to get in and out of the city without anyone taking notice. If this was done _my_ way, the girl and I would be made Tranquil the moment we started walking around together. I _need _your help; _she_ needs your help. _Please ."_ Her voice was desperate and she almost looked as if she were ready to get on her knees and start begging. Anders said nothing.

"Anders," Rain said, breaking a short silence, "We _have_ to help."

He shot her a sharp glance.

"Don't do it for me," Miriel said, "I would never ask you to do _anything_ for me. I wouldn't expect you to. But do it for the girl."

Anders glared at her, and then looked at Rain. His expression softened and he sighed.

"Fine," he said, finally relenting. "But I'm doing this for the girl," he added, "_Not you._"

"Thank you," Miriel said, her voice breaking a little. "Her name is Gwen and at the moment, she's living in Lowtown. Meet me outside the Foundry tonight and we'll get her out of there."

She turned and left the clinic hurriedly. The moment she passed through the door, Anders relaxed. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, rubbing his face.

"Anders, she was practically begging you to help her," Rain said.

"I know," he replied through his hands.

"The way you talked about her…" Rain reached up and removed his hands from his face, "You made her sound like a demon. What I just saw… that was just a woman."

"And that makes it better?" he sneered, "Acting like a feeling, normal person makes it all better, does it? It completely absolves her of what she's done?"

"You loved her."

Anders avoided her eyes. "I…no I-"

"You _loved_ her, Anders," Rain said firmly, feeling her voice wavering. "You say that what you two had was just sex, that there were no feelings involved. But for her to hurt you so deeply? There _has_to have been more to it."

She had watched and listened whenever he had spoken of Miriel. Through every conversation about her, Rain had begun to see that there was more to how Miriel's betrayal affected Anders than he was letting on. He tried to speak again, but she interrupted him.

"Don't lie to me Anders! You can't just stand there, after everything you've said, after what I've just seen, and tell me that she was always just a friend! You _cannot_ tell me you've felt _nothing_ for her!"

_For me._

Anders hung his head. He was holding Rain's hands.

"Maybe," he said, "But that woman is dead." He let go of Rain's hands. "That woman died even before she turned on me."

The pure anguish in his voice tugged at Rain's heart. She wished she hadn't said anything.

"Anders, I'm sorry," she said, after a long silence. He didn't look up, or speak. She took his chin in her hand and lifted his head. He still avoided making eye contact.

"Anders, look at me," He tried to turn his head away, so she placed her hand on his cheek. His eyes finally locked with hers.

"I'm sorry," Rain said, "I didn't mean to open up old wounds."

"I know," he sighed.

Rain's heart began pounding as she realised just how close they were. His face was more inches away from hers; his lips so close she could-

Anders pulled away from her. She resisted the almost unbearable urge to pull him back. She felt a little part of her screaming inside her head for not taking the chance she had just had. With a hand on her hip, she ran the other over her face and sighed. She looked through her fingers at Anders, who was trying to make it appear that he was busy with some paper on his desk. Staring angrily at the back of his head, she thought, _What, do I have to strip naked and chain you down to get it across? I'm not helpless; you_ won't _hurt me._

"I… need to go," she said, and began to leave. "I'll see you tonight."

He nodded. He just _nodded_. He didn't even turn around to look at her, or say goodbye. Rain sighed and left the clinic. A man leered and wolf whistled as she passed him in the street. A furious glare from her warned him off. She decided to take the longer route that lead out of Darktown and up in to Lowtown to give herself a chance to calm down. Why did she feel so angry?

Was it simply because Anders kept distancing himself whenever she tried to make her feelings known to him? Or was it because she actually felt jealous of what he and Miriel had one had? _No_, she told herself, _that's not it._ She realised that she was actually angry at Miriel, at the fact that she had hurt him; and at Anders, for not letting her help him. She just wanted to hold him tight and whisper that everything would be alright, that it would all go away, that she was there for him.

When she reached her mansion in Hightown, Rain made her way to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She leaned against the door and tilted her head back, her eyes screwed shut. After a moment of simply standing, she pushed herself away from the door and shot a load of ice into the bath. She simply wasn't in the mood the talk to anyone at the moment, or to wait for any water. She then summoned some fire in her hands and poured it over the ice, controlling the heat so that it melted it. Holding the fire under the bath, she made it grow hotter and heat the water up. Once the water was hot enough, she extinguished the fire, threw her clothes on to the floor and slid in to the bath.

Allowing herself to relax in the hot water, Rain rested her head on the rim of the bath and closed her eyes. T_onight is going to be interesting_, she thought. She knew Anders didn't really want to help Miriel, but he couldn't just stand by and let the Templars drag the little girl, Gwen, off to the Gallows. So Rain had to be there, to make sure he didn't lose his head and turn Justice on Miriel.

But she couldn't shake the feeling that Miriel had purposely avoided telling them something.


	6. Chapter 6

Rain met Anders on the way to Lowtown and they made their way to the foundry together in silence. She had said 'hello'; he had simply nodded. He seemed troubled- more troubled than usual. Rain bit back the urge to ask him if he was alright. She knew that he wasn't and asking him about it would just make it worse.

"It's quiet," Anders suddenly said.

She hadn't noticed it until now, but the streets were completely empty. Usually, night time in Lowtown was full of whores and bandits.

"Now that you mention it," Rain said, "Lowtown feels a bit… unsettling tonight."

Rain hadn't brought anyone else along because she had no idea how Miriel would react to another person being involved. She had come to Anders and Rain for help, saying they were the only person she could trust. Rain didn't want to complicate matters by bringing in a stranger. But she couldn't help but wish she had asked Aveline or Varric to come with them.

The air thickened with smoke and grew hotter as they neared the foundry. Before they even reached it, Rain could see a figure pacing back and forth at the foot of the steps. The few lanterns that lit the street hardly shed enough light, but Rain could just make out that the figure was Miriel. As they approached, Rain saw that Miriel was wringing her hands and glancing nervously around. She was also saying something under her breath. It almost sounded as if she were having a conversation, but there was no one else there. When they were close enough to see each other clearly, Miriel's attention snapped to them. She had tensed up, her hand halfway to one of the knives at her belt. Recognising Rain and Anders, she relaxed.

"I half expected you not to come," she said, forcing a smile. She seemed on the verge of panic.

"Something's gone wrong, hasn't it?" Anders asked, instantly picking up on Miriel's agitated state.

"Yes," she replied, casting a glance down a street, "I had Gwen moved to a safe-house here in Lowtown not long ago and arranged to meet her here, tonight. The plan was to get her to your clinic, Anders, then to get her out of Kirkwall with your help," she took a shaky breath, "But she's not here. I'm worried they've found her."

"'They'?" Rain questioned, "You mean the Templars?"

Miriel shook her head, "No."

"Then who?"

"It…doesn't matter," she took a few steps towards the street she had looked at. "Come with me to the safe-house," she said over her shoulder, "It could be nothing; she could just be late. But I can't risk waiting around if they _have_ found her."

"Miriel, I don't like this," Anders told her, "You say you're worried about someone finding the girl, but you won't tell us who. In fact, I've a feeling that there's a lot that you're not telling us."

Miriel turned to face him, "Please, just come with me. I'll explain everything, but please, help me get Gwen to a safer place first."

Anders sighed, "Miriel-"

"We'll come with you," Rain interrupted, giving Anders a stern look. She knew he was dancing around the subject of helping Miriel.

"Fine," he said irritably.

"The safe-house is this way," Miriel said, leading the way down the street.

As they neared one of the many run-down houses, Miriel froze.

"Something is… very, _very_ wrong," she said, her voice barely a whisper. Rain wasn't sure if she was speaking to her, Anders, or herself. Before she could reply, Miriel had drawn her staff from her back. "They knew we were coming!" She suddenly shouted, just as the door of the house burst open, pouring armed men into the street.

The first few men fell to a surge of lighting from Anders, who had reacted almost as quickly as Miriel had. Rain followed up by launching a fireball into the middle of the group, the flames lighting up the street. Miriel, who had run right in to the assailants, deflected a blade with her staff. She then released a pulse of pure magical force into the men in front of her, sending them flying backward into the walls and each other. As the attackers struggled to get up, she ran straight past them and in to the house, screaming "Gwen!"

"Damnit, Miri!" Rain heard Anders shout, as they were left to deal with the remaining enemies. He brought the end of his staff into the side of a man's head with a loud crack and froze another, just as Rain fired a bolt of energy, causing the frozen man to explode. She launched and arc of lighting into the middle of those who were left. They screamed and staggered around as the lightning jumped from man to man. Anders set another man on fire, who flailed around screaming and burning, as the others fell to Rain's lightning. The moment the flaming man collapsed in a heap, Anders ran into the house, Rain close behind him.

They were greeted by the sight of men lying strewn about the room, some crushed inside their own armour. Some were still alive, whimpering as they tried to drag their broken bodies away from the doorway across the room. The sound of a girl screaming and a man yelling come from the room beyond.

As Anders and Rain entered the room, they saw a tall, grizzled man holding a knife to the throat of a girl who could have been no more than twelve. His attention had been fixed on Miriel, who was standing just opposite of him, fury evident on her face. The man looked at Anders and Rain. Miriel seized the moment and lunged forward, air rushing away from her outstretched hand as she summoned that crushing power. Her arm went over the girl's head, her hand meeting the man's face. He was propelled backwards, back of his head hitting the wall. The force Miriel had thrown at him followed, crushing his face. Bits of skull and matter exploded over the wall. Miriel had dropped her staff and was now on her knees, clutching the now crying girl to her chest. She was stroking the girl's hair and rocking back and forth.

"Shh," she said softly, trying to calm the girl's hysterics. "It's okay Gwen, I'm here, he can't hurt you, he won't hurt you, shh…"

Rain looked again at the mess that had replaced the man's head. Feeling a little nauseous, she turned her gaze to Miriel and the girl- who was evidently Gwen. Miriel seemed as rattled as Gwen was; her eyes were wide and her arms were shaking as she clung to the little girl.

"Miri," Anders said, stepping over the dead man to stand beside her, "What in the Maker's name is going on?"

"That was Gwen's uncle," Miriel said after a deep, shaky breath.

"Her _uncle_?" Rain repeated, casting a horrified glance at the headless body.

Miriel nodded, as Gwen's sobbing began to subside. "I lied about her being sent to the Circle."

"I knew it!" Anders snarled, "I _knew_ you were lying! Is this girl even a mage?"

"Yes! I didn't lie about that." She screwed her eyes shut for a moment. When she opened them, she didn't look at Anders or Rain. "I found out about Gwen by accident- I was in cat form when I heard a man shouting something about his daughter being 'a stupid piece of mage flesh'. When I went to find out what was going, I saw Gwen being smacked around by her father. Her uncle was watching. _Laughing._ So I spoke to her when they finally left her alone; she told me that even though they hated her, they still wanted to keep her. As a _plaything._" Anger rose in her voice as she spoke. "I promised to keep her safe. That I'd never let them hurt her."

"You expect me to believe that?" Anders said, "That _you_ would care about some random little girl? That _you_ would promise to protect her? All you've ever cared about is yourself."

"What, you think I would have idly stood by and let them abuse her like that?" Rain could see that Miriel was fighting back tears. She was about to step in, to break up the argument that was threatening to rise, when Miriel added, "I'm not a monster, Anders!"

"Yes you are."

Rain froze at Anders' reply. The pure, cold venom in his voice was disturbing. Miriel bit her lip, the colour draining from her face. She stood up, took Gwen by the hand and pushed past Anders as she left the room.

"That was cruel," Rain said, as she heard Miriel slam the front door of the house.

Anders said nothing. He was staring at the place where Miriel had just been kneeling.

"Why did you say that to her?" Rain demanded, grabbing his arm.

"I don't know," he replied, yanking his arm free. He glanced over his shoulder at the door. "Shit," he said, hurrying out of the house after Miriel. Rain followed him.

They stepped out into the street, over and around the bodies. Miriel was already halfway down the street.

"Are you going to apologise?" Rain asked, trying to suppress her own anger.

"Yes," Anders said, and shouted Miriel. When she didn't stop walking, he ran after her. He caught her wrist, saying, "I didn't mean what I said."

She snatched her hand back, "Yes you did. You meant every word."

"I'm sorry."

Miriel stopped walking and let go of Gwen's hand. She turned to Anders. "Sorry?" she furiously pushed him back, "Sorry! Ha!"

Anders was backing away from Miriel now, who was almost in his face, screaming, "I'm trying to help a twelve year old girl Anders, trying to save her from a life of misery, trying to make up for everything that I've done!"

"You think that _this_ changes anything?" He yelled back, "You think that helping this girl will redeem you? That it will completely absolve you of all of your sins?"

His last sentence sounded strange; as if it wasn't from him. Rain saw a blue light in his eyes flicker. Panic rising in her, Rain positioned herself between Anders and Miriel. She pushed them both back, holding them at arm's length.

"Stop it, both of you!" She said, "This is neither the time nor place!"

Anders opened his mouth to say something, but Rain shot him a warning glare and said, "No! No more arguing!"

There was a long, angry silence.

"Let's just get Gwen out of here," Miriel finally said, as the frightened girl clung to the hem of her sleeve. "Before her father turns up."

Anders sighed, "Alright. But this isn't over, Miriel."

Miriel took Gwen's hand and resumed walking towards Darktown, "As soon as we get to your clinic Anders, you can yell at me to your heart's content."

As Anders moved to follow her, Rain placed her hands on his chest and stopped him.

"Anders," she said.

"What?"

"Miriel may not have noticed, but _I did._ You almost turned on her."

He looked away, "I know."

"In front of Gwen."

"_I know._"

"It's getting harder to keep Justice under control, isn't it?"

"Yes," he sighed, "I… thank you, Rain. If you hadn't…"

Rain smiled, "It's alright. Keeping the peace is what I do best."

They made it to Anders' clinic in relative silence; the only words spoken were by Gwen, who had asked who Anders and Rain were. Even after witnessing that conflict, she seemed oddly cheerful. Rain assumed she was just happy to be away from her abusive uncle and on the way to safety. She yawned and rubbed her eyes a lot on the way there, so Miriel saw to her getting settled in one of the cots. Miriel knelt by the cot, speaking softly and holding Gwen's hand until the girl drifted off to sleep. Making sure that Gwen was comfortable, Miriel stood up and glanced at Anders. He was leaning against one of the wooden pillars, his arms crossed. Rain was sitting on a chair, watching both Anders and Miriel. She didn't want another fight to break out.

"So?" Miriel said, breaking the silence.

"What?" Anders asked, not looking at her.

"Still convinced that I'm an unfeeling, heartless bitch?"

"I… maybe."

"Huh. I suppose that will have to do, then." She glanced at Gwen, "How do we get her out of Kirkwall?"

Before anyone could reply, the door slammed open, as an angry man stormed into the clinic. His hair was dark, and the shape of his face was slightly similar to Gwen's.

"Where is she?" the man demanded. His voice woke Gwen, who sat up and looked around with terrified eyes. Rain shot over to the girl and obscured her view of the man who was obviously her father.

"Shh, sweetie, go back to sleep," Rain said, and glanced over her shoulder at Anders and Miriel. Miriel had stepped forward, blocking the man's path. Anders was right behind her.

"Get _out_," Miriel growled. Her hands were clenched in to fists, her whole body shaking.

"I suggest you do what she says," Anders said, his defensive stance an odd contrast to Miriel's unadulterated rage.

"I'm not leaving without my daughter," the man said indignantly.

"You don't deserve to call her that!" Miriel spat.

"She's _my_ daughter, I'll call her whatever I damn want. Now turn over the little mage bitch before I-"

He was cut off by an ear-splitting scream.

Rain felt the atmosphere distort, as that unnatural feeling of the Fade burst through her senses. Alarmed, she turned around, expecting to see Justice in Anders' place. But he was still himself, standing in shock and horror, as Miriel hurled herself at Gwen's father. Her skin had split and a red light shone through, as if her blood was glowing. Red light and smoke streamed from holes where her eyes were just moments ago. She knocked Gwen's father to the ground and pinned him down, shrieking and clawing at his face. He franticly tried to push her off, only to have his hand burn the moment he touched her arms. His struggling was cut short as Miriel lunged at his neck and tore his throat out with her teeth. He gurgled and flailed for a moment, his legs kicking, until he finally went still. Miriel stayed on top of him, panting and shaking. She then began to laugh. It was inhuman. Demonic. The laughing stopped as she made a coughing sound. The red lines began to disappear as her skin mended itself and the smoke and light subsided, as she closed her eyelids over her empty eye sockets.

Gasping, her eyelids snapped open. She had eyes again. Miriel looked down at the dead man she was still on top of. She let out a strangled scream and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She saw the blood on her hand and under her finger nails. Scrambling away from the body, she tried to stand. Her legs gave way and she fell onto her hands and knees. She vomited over the floor. Coughing, she wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forth, saying, "No, no, no…"

"Miri…what… was that…?" Anders asked, breaking the disturbed silence that had filled the room.

"Y-you want to know why I'm still alive, Anders?" Miriel replied, her voice wobbly, "That _thing_ is why."

"That was a demon."

"Y-yes."

"It's the same one, isn't it? The one we found in that cave. The one you started summoning."

Miriel pushed herself to her feet, wiping away the blood, "Yes."

Rain walked to Anders' side. He was looking at Miriel- in anger? Pity? She couldn't read his face; his expression was just… blank.

"When… when you _ran me through_," Miriel struggled to speak, "You shattered the connection between the demon the Fade. It was already almost free of its prison, almost had a hold on me… With the connection broken, it began to die. Quickly. And I was dying as well. What was left of it latched on to me. It wouldn't let me die. It forced me to get up, to pull the sword out and fix the hole with demon-fuelled blood magic. And then it… slept. It grew stronger. And now, when I get angry, or scared it takes over."

She looked angrily at Anders, "So don't you _dare_ judge me, Anders. Not when you've got the exact same thing living inside you."

"It's not the same!" he snapped. Rain instinctively reached for his arm.

"Don't think I didn't notice it when we were arguing," Miriel said, "I saw that flicker in your eyes; felt the tug of the Fade as Justice tried to push himself to the surface. Don't you _dare_ call me a monster when you went and did what I did."

Silence descended upon them again.

"Did Gwen see?" Miriel asked Rain.

Rain shook her head, "I'm sure she heard, though."

"But does she know what happened?"

"I don't think so."

Miriel let out a sigh of relief. "How do I get her out of here?" She asked.

"Sewers," Anders said, "Not far from here. Go left when you leave. You can't miss it." His voice was emotionless.

Nodding, Miriel went to the cot where Gwen was sitting. "We have to go now," Miriel said to her.

"Are we going away?" the girl asked, taking Miriel's hand.

"Yes," Miriel replied, "I'll take you to that lady in the country side I told you about."

"Okay."

Miriel led Gwen out of the clinic. She didn't look back.

"Anders…" Rain said. She didn't know what to say to him, but she felt she should say _something_.

"Damnit," he said through his teeth, and suddenly punched the wooden pillar nearby. Rain heard his knuckles crunch. He held his hand in the other and grimaced.

"Oh, Anders," Rain breathed, and took his hand. The skin was split. She called forth some healing magic and let it wash over his hand.

"She was right," he said, "I _am_ just like her."

"Don't say that," his had healed, Rain reached up and put her hand against his cheek, feeling the rough stubble under her fingers. "You're not like her. You may be… _possessed_-" she struggled over the word- "But you joined with a spirit for different reasons. You wanted to help people. She wanted to _hurt_ people."

His hand over hers, he smiled a little, "How do you do it, Rain? Why haven't you given up on me, after all these years?"

"I care about you, Anders," she told him, "Whether you like it or not."

"… I never said I didn't like it."

Rain felt her heart jump. Was he finally letting her get close to him?

"You… you should go home," he said, pulling away from her touch- though he seemed reluctant to. "Leandra will be worrying about you."

She wanted to pull him back, but she resisted the urge and smiled instead. Something was better than nothing. "You're right," she said, "She had Aveline's guard searching for me the last time I stayed here."

Rain began to leave the clinic, walking around the dead body and trying not to look at it. She glanced over her shoulder, saying "Goodnight, Anders," before stepping through the doorway.


	7. Chapter 7

"You are the one bright light in Kirkwall," he'd said.

Rain couldn't let him do it alone. She couldn't let him go into the Gallows after Templars on the basis of something that sounded more like a rumour- even if they weren't actually going in to the Gallows, only underneath them. She didn't believe that the Templars were planning to make all the mages Tranquil, but she knew Anders believed it. So she had to go with him, because it meant something to him. And she had to be there to hold him back if things went wrong.

Which they did.

They had found the Templars that they were searching for; found their leader- Ser Alrik. A sadist; who forced mages to be Tranquil, then took advantage of their compliant, emotionless state. He had trapped a mage girl, made her beg and threatened her with Tranquility. His intentions were all too clear.

Anders had snapped. Justice took complete control and began to tear the Templars apart before Rain, Varric and Aveline could even react. Although the Templars were all killed, the Fade spirit still raged. Rain had tried to calm him down. She told him that the fight was over, that the Templars were all dead and that they couldn't hurt anyone any more. But he turned on the girl.

She had called him a demon. Rain begged him not to hurt the girl. She was terrified of this _thing_ controlling Anders' body. She had seen Justice before. But not like this. Her body had been rooted to the spot, staring at Justice- no, it wasn't Justice. Not anymore. It was Vengeance. There had been a surge of power and a blinding flash, followed by the girl screaming. The scream had wrenched Rain out of her state of fear.

"No!" she'd shouted, only to feel strong hands- Aveline- holding her back. She had been too late.

As the power dissipated, Anders stood there, his staff through the girl's middle. He let out an anguished cry when he saw what he had done. He had run out of the underground passage leaving Rain and the others behind.

Rain was now kneeling beside the girl's body, desperately and futilely trying to heal the hole in her stomach and the burns from the magic.

"No, no, you can't be- he couldn't-" she sobbed, as the magic flickered but did nothing.

"Hawke," Varric said, taking her hands and moving them away from the girl. "She's dead."

She shook her head, "Why- why did he have to…?" She looked across at Ser Alrik's mangled body.

"He was a sick man, Hawke," Aveline said, offering her hand as Rain struggled to stand. She took Aveline's hand and stepped over to the Templar's body.

"This can't have been for nothing," she said angrily through her tears, rummaging through Alrik's pockets. She found a crumpled piece of paper. As she read it, horror crossed her face. Anders had been right about the plan, about the 'tranquil solution'. But he had also been wrong.

"The idea was rejected?" Rain asked, furiously wiping her face with the back of her hand. "And you decided to do it anyway?" Her voice broke, and she kicked Ser Alrick's body. "Bastard! You Bastard!"

"Hawke, we have to do something about this. Ser Alrik may have deserved what he got, but the girl…" Aveline said.

Rain looked at her in panic, "No, Aveline, please! You can't blame Anders for this!"

"I'm not," Aveline said calmly, holding her hands up defensively, "But Knight-Captain Cullen will want to know what happened. And the girl's family deserves to know."

Rain stared at her feet and went quiet.

"It's my fault," she said, tears beginning to flow.

"Of course it's not," Varric told her, "You didn't make that Alrik into an asshole. You didn't kill that girl."

"But I let it happen, Varric! I could have- I _should have_ stopped him from killing her!" She shook her head, "I just stood there, dumbly watching it happen."

Coughing, Rain tilted her head up to look at the ceiling, waiting for her tears to subside. When she calmed down, she stuffed the paper into the small pouch she kept at her belt and followed the crumbling steps up and out of the passage.

"I have to talk to Anders," she told Aveline and Varric, "I have to find him before he… does something stupid."

As the passage emptied and they stepped into Darktown, Aveline said,

"Alright Hawke. I won't tell anyone about what happened down there, but I won't try to stop anyone from finding out."

"Thank you," Rain said, forcing a smile. Aveline left them at a turning.

"I suppose you want to talk to Blondie alone?" Varric asked as they approached the clinic.

"I… yes," Rain hesitated at the door.

"Well, you just be careful," the dwarf told her, before leaving her alone.

Rain took a shaky breath. Her hand was against the door, but she didn't open it just yet. She hadn't realised until now that she was shaking. The sight of Anders loosing himself to… _Vengeance_ had thrown her mind into a spiral of doubt and fear. She had convinced herself that he would never turn on her over the years and had even fought to make him believe it. But how could she think that now, after he had just killed an innocent girl in a fit of rage?

She shook her head. _That's why it happened,_ she told herself, _that's why he killed that girl. Because I was too afraid to stop it._ Taking another breath, she pushed the door open. _I don't want to be afraid anymore._

The clinic was empty, save for Anders on the far side. He was going through his things mostly bits of paper that he had written on. He was throwing some into a pile, some into another, agitatedly saying "Trash" or "Keep".

"Anders, throwing everything away isn't going to make you feel better," she said, and flinched as he turned around.

"Should I feel better?" he asked, his voice waving a little. "I just killed an innocent girl!"

"No, that wasn't you!" she said, her voice sounding as if she were trying to convince herself as much as him. "It was Just-Vengeance." Forcing herself to admit what that _thing_ was made her blood run cold.

"That doesn't change anything!" he spoke as if he were in physical agony, "How can I claim to fight for mages, when I'm everything the Templars fear and hate?" His voice broke and he looked at the floor. "When I'm no better than Miriel."

"That's not true," Rain told him, stepping closer. The pain in his voice, in his eyes when he looked up slightly as she spoke washed away any trace of fear that remained. She couldn't bear to see him like this.

"You saw what happened, Rain. I lost control." He looked at her properly. She could see him fighting back tears. "How can I even trust myself to heal anymore? What if that thing of Vengeance turns on a patient?"

"Yes, you lost control," she said, "And I should have stopped you. I could have stopped you Anders, but I didn't. I was scared."

Anders screwed his eyes shut and turned away. She caught his arm.

"I'm not going to be afraid anymore," she said, determination in her voice. "Anders, I want to help you. I want to help you to control this."

"Rain…" he tried to pull away, but she firmly held onto his arm. She placed her hands either side of his face to force him to look at her.

"I want to help you prove to the Templars that mages can control their powers. Be the proof that we need."

There was a moment of silence, as they stood there staring at each other. Rain slowly noticed that he had one hand on her shoulder, the other resting slightly on her neck. He broke eye contact with her for a second.

"Did…did you find anything on Ser Alrik?" he asked, his voice quiet. "Or was the 'tranquil solution' just another of my delusions?"

Reluctantly removing her hand, Rain reached into the pouch at her belt and retrieved the crumpled note. She held it out for Anders. He took the note with one hand; the other remained on her shoulder. He struggled to smooth the paper with one hand and Rain watched his eyes quickly move back and forth as he read the words.

"The Divine… rejected the idea… _Meredith_ rejected the idea!" There was a look of surprise on his face, and almost relief in his voice. He looked at Rain.

"Maybe I should try talking to the Grand Cleric," he said.

"Riight. 'Hello Elthina, I'm a possessed apostate and I'd like to talk to you about the plight of the mages!'" Rain jested, "I'm sure that would go down well."

He laughed, "She at least seems more reasonable than I thought she would be."

"You try asking her about _anything_ and she'll just say she won't take sides and that 'it's in the Maker's hands'."

"Maybe. But it wouldn't hurt to try," Anders said with a shrug and a smile.

They were quiet again. The hand that Anders was holding the note in was now resting on Rain's waist; she still had one hand pressed against his cheek, the other on his arm.

"Thank you, Rain," Anders said. "It doesn't make me feel better about… about what happened, but what you said and having you here… it helps."

She smiled, "That's what I'm here for."

They were inches apart, just like they were that night after Miriel had left. Rain's heart pounded, as her mind screamed at her to kiss him. She was shocked as Anders suddenly pulled her into a hug. She felt something brush against her cheek- his lips? She couldn't tell. Her heart felt as it were about to jump out of her chest. The hug was over as quickly as it began, as Anders pulled away from her, smiling.

"I'll think about what you said," he told her.

"I'll see you later," she blurted out, fighting back the urge to grab him and kiss him. The unexpected hug was a good sign, but she didn't want to rush anything; especially since he probably wanted to be left alone for a while. She smiled and waved goodbye before leaving the clinic.

As she followed the alley ways she knew well, her heart still racing, she barely registered the ginger tabby cat watching her walk by.


	8. Chapter 8

Her vision swimming, Rain tried to focus on her surroundings. There were people shouting, fighting. She opened her mouth, but all that came from her lips was a feeble whimper. Why was everything sideways? She realised that she was on the floor, lying on her back. A searing pain shot through her as she attempted to sit up. Looking down, she saw the feathered shafts of two crossbow bolts sticking out of her abdomen. Rain stared at them, confused. What had happened? The sound of metal hitting metal and a familiar voice screaming angrily filtered through to her mind. She could hardly think. Whose voice was that?

She tried to summon some healing magic to make the pain go away, but found that she had no mana; trying to draw power from the Fade felt unusually difficult. Her limbs felt weak. Her thoughts were fuzzy. Touching the blood around the bolts, she felt the sapping feeling of Magebane. And then she remembered the letter asking her to come to the ruins at the Wounded Coast. It had been from Miriel- or so it had said.

It was a trap. A trap set out by overambitious Templars who had somehow got it into their heads that she was a Qunari supporter. She knew that Mother Petrice was to blame for putting that idea into their heads. But she had no idea how they had found out about her helping Miriel. Maybe the Qunari thing was a cover?

Something trickled from between her lips. Wiping it away with the back of her hand, she saw a smear of blood. The sweet coppery taste of blood filled her mouth. She turned her head and coughed, spitting, only to have more come up. She realised that the bolts must have hit something vital; probably her stomach.

Forcing herself to focus, she felt an odd tingle in the air- a feeling that she recognised.

"Anders!" she managed to scream through blood. He had received a similar letter and had been very confused when Rain arrived and not Miriel. She had been equally puzzled by his being there.

The Templars had attacked from above. The ambush had been well planned- they had shot Rain before she could even react. She had hit the floor as Vengence ripped through and assaulted the Templars. That was who was shouting.

Her eyes managed to make out the blurry shapes of Templars subduing him. They had him pinned to the floor, as he roared and fought against them, the blue fire burning brightly in his eyes and flaring across his skin. A Templar punched him in the face with a gauntleted hand. Rain screamed as if the pain were her own.

She pushed herself up and onto her knees. Wobbling, her head swimming, she forced herself to stand. Her legs were numb and gave way the moment she tried it. She hit the floor, coughing blood over the dirt and grass. As she tried to rise again, something hit her over the back of her head with a loud crack. White light exploded before her eyes as the world turned into nothing.

Rain woke to the agony of someone ripping something out of her. She kicked and screamed, only to feel someone grab her arms and legs and hold her still. Another pair of hands grabbed her head and tilted it back, pouring something into her mouth and down her throat. Her first instinct was to spit it out, but the hands clasped her mouth shut. As she swallowed, she realised that the liquid was a healing potion. The pain coming from her stomach subsided as her eyes found the Templar that had administered it to her. She didn't recognise him. He had long, dark hair, tied back in a ponytail. His face was stern and he had a hooked nose. Dark circles ringed his blue eyes. She felt another Templar binding her wrists behind her back. The dark haired Templar went over to the remaining Templars and said something. She couldn't make out the words.

"Rain," someone said behind her. She was startled at first, but then she realised it was Anders' voice. She craned her neck to look at him and tried to shuffle closer. The half-healed holes in her stomach sent waves of pain ripping through her body. She let out whimper.

"Anders, what's happening?" she asked, fear rising in her. She felt fingers fumbling until they found hers.

"They…want us alive", he told her, the touch of his hands on hers offering a small comfort.

"Wh-what? Why? How did they- why do-" she stumbled over her words as a thought slowly dawned on her. "They want us as trophies."

"Yes."

"_Tranquil_ trophies," her voice broke as she said the word 'tranquil'.

"It's alright," he said. She could tell that he was frightened as well, but was trying to be calm for her sake. "We'll get out of this. I will _not_ let them make you tranquil."

Rain bit her lip to fight back hysterics. She couldn't break down, not in front of the Templars. That would be exactly what they wanted.

The dark haired Templar- he seemed to be the one in charge- was suddenly standing in front of her. She glared up at him, though the terror in her eyes betrayed her true feelings. He smirked.

"I'm rather surprised that the _both_ of you fell for it," he sneered, his voice a harsh brogue. He bent down a little so that his face was level with Rain's. He took her chin with his hand. "My, my, but the family resemblance is uncanny."

"Wh-what?" Rain stammered, yanking her face away from him.

The Templar drew himself up to his full height and turned his attention to a Templar standing nearby. "I do hope you remembered the brand."

Knuckles rapping the wooden door, Miriel stood nervously before Hawke's mansion. Hawke had done well for herself, it seemed. _Trying to resurrect the mighty Amells, cousin?_ she thought. She wondered if family names meant anything to Hawke. She had helped Miriel free Gwen. That, at least, was a start.

The door opened and she was greeted by the dwarf she had seen when she had followed Hawke here in her cat form. She spent more and more of her time in that shape- nobody, not even the Templars, expected a cat to be a slightly unhinged blood mage abomination. _Apart from Anders. _She asked the dwarf- Bodahn, she remembered- to see Hawke. He said that she wasn't home. When he asked her what her name was, he seemed confused. He asked her if it was she who had sent the letter.

"Letter?" Miriel repeated, puzzled.

"Yes, messere Hawke received a letter not too long ago, asking for her to meet 'Miriel' at the Wounded Coast," he clarified.

"I sent no letter," she replied, adding, "Can I see this letter?"

Bodahn obliged, disappearing into the house for a moment and returning with a piece of paper. He handed it to her.

'Hawke', it said, 'Meet me at the ruins in the Wounded Coast. It's urgent.' It was signed with her name.

"I didn't write this…" she said. As her eyes moved over the words, something stirred inside her. She felt the demon moving behind her eyes as she came to realisation that she recognised the writing.

"_Riva_," she snarled, shoving the letter into Bodahn's hands. "Can't talk," she blurted, "Hawke is in trouble."

She sped down the stone stairs of Hightown as fast as her legs could take her. _**Foolish!**_ a voice screamed in her head. _**We were fools to think he would not follow us here! We should have known that involving Hawke would bring him down upon us. And now we mush rush to be the saviour. HA!**_ Her whole skull reverberated as the demon spoke. It was awake, but thankfully it wasn't trying to assume control of her body.

"Shut up," she said aloud, "If we don't hurry, there'll be no Hawke left for us to save."

The Templars were restraining Anders as he screamed at the Templars; begged them not to do it. Rain sobbed as a Templar held her head still. The dark haired man had the sun brand in his hand, glowing white hot.

"Please, no!" Anders was pleading, "Don't make her Tranquil! Oh Maker, no!"

She could feel her power draining as the Templar brought the brand near. A manic grin crossed his face as he raised it to her forehead. Rain screwed her eyes shut and, for the first time in her life, prayed for the Maker to save her.

"NO!"

Rain's eyes snapped open. It wasn't Anders who had shouted. The Templar turned around, dropping the brand. He laughed.

"Took you long enough," he said. Rain struggled to see who he was talking to.

"Aw, and here I was thinking you'd forgotten about me, Riva." The voice was familiar.

"Miriel!" Anders exclaimed. Rain still couldn't see past the Templar- Riva? Was that his name? The Templar holding her head let go and drew his sword. Now able to move, she leaned to the side to look around Riva.

She saw Miriel standing at the end of the trail that lead to the ruins. She was panting heavily, her hair sticking to her sweaty face.

"How could I forget the woman who murdered my brother in cold blood, hmm?" Riva said, his own sword drawn. Rain heard a thump as the two Templars that had been holding Anders back let him drop to the floor.

"Ah, you're such a hypocrite, Riva," Miriel was walking towards Riva now, her hands balled up into fists. "Let them go." The sudden change from resentful smarminess to pure, cold hatred was disturbing.

"No. I'll be dragging you to the Knight-Commander, along with your heretic friends."

Rain crawled to Anders, with her hands still tied behind her back. She knelt beside him, her mind reeling as she felt her energy sapped again. _Bastards hit him with a Holy smite_, she thought angrily. He was lying awkwardly on his side. If her hands were free, she would have turned him over with them. Since they weren't, she leaned over him and pushed her face against his neck. She pushed him onto his back using her shoulder, and he looked up at her slightly dazed. Panic crossed his face for a moment.

"I'm okay," she said softly, "They didn't do it."

She looked up at Miriel and Riva. They were circling each other. Miriel was clearly at a disadvantage- the other three Templars were ready to jump at Riva's orders. Rain tried to summon a flame to burn the rope around her wrists and growled in irritation as the magic escaped her every time. She twisted her hands desperately, trying to free herself.

With a movement that could hardly be registered, Riva signalled to his Templar lackeys to attack. Rain winced as the unmistakeable power of the Fade seared through her mind, clearing away the lingering effects of the Magebane and the Holy smite still floating around Anders. Her eyes widened in horror as she watched Miriel change into that burning, shrieking, eyeless figure of a woman.

The Templars assaulted Miriel with blades and abilities meant to dispel magic. She batted their attacks away, as if they were a nuisance. One of them burst into flames, the heat melting his suit of armour around him. Another was knocked off his feet by a pulse of force, before being wrenched up into the air as Miriel whipped her hands up. Taking the momentary contact with the Fade to draw on some magic, Rain burned the rope around her wrists and launched a bolt of lightning at the second Templar. He staggered and screamed as the electricity was conducted around his body by the metal he wore. Miriel crushed the Templar she had lifted into the ground, before throwing a wave of force at the one in the throes of electrocution. Her back to him, Riva took the chance to attack.

"Miriel!" Rain yelled. Too late.

Miriel turned, her snarl changing to a look of shock as she was impaled by Riva's sword.

"I expect I will be awarded with a medal for this," he chided, twisting the blade.

Miriel laughed, her mouth twisted into a death grin. Her hands wrapped around the blade and pulled it further in, Riva along with it. Her face inches from his, a hiss escaped her mouth.

"**Pride is a sin**," her voice was jarring, as if two people were speaking and screaming at the same time.

As she spoke, the blood pouring from her wound stopped flowing. It began to move on its own, in long tendrils and over the hilt of the sword. Riva tried to pull back, but the blood wound around his hands and up his arms. The living blood enveloped him; drowned him. Miriel laughed. There was a change of pressure and the air filled with a foreboding charge. Light shone from the gaps in the moving red liquid. Suddenly, what remained of Riva exploded into millions of little pieces. The force knocked Rain flat on her back. Her head hit the floor with a sickening crack.

The last thing she saw before darkness descended was Anders looking down at her, his expression one of concern and dread.


	9. Chapter 9

Anders clasped Rain's cheek in his hand, watching the rise ragged and fall of her chest. Unconscious, but alive. The Templars had partially healed her wounds from the crossbow bolts, so she was in no immediate danger. He breathed a sigh of relief and glanced over his shoulder at Miriel. Once the blast of energy had dissipated, Miriel had fallen to the ground in a bloody, sweaty heap. That sword was still through her. She stirred slightly, fingers clawing at the dirt. She let out a whimper. Anders rose and walked over to where she lay, stepping over the burnt and broken bodies of the Templars and avoiding the splattering of entrails of Riva's remains. He knelt beside Miriel and touched her shoulder. She feebly fought him off.

"D-don't," she spluttered through blood. There was so much, it was impossible to tell if it was hers or the Templars'. Anders ignored her and drew on what little mana that had been restored to summon some healing magic. Removing the sword would be painful and with Miriel fighting him every step of the way, not having her writhing in agony made things easier.

Anders took the hilt of the sword and pulled it free. It exited her flesh with a sickening squelch. Despite his best efforts to make it painless, Miriel still let out a scream. Flecks of blood flew from her lips. Weakly, she beat at him with her fists, as the blood that the sword had been holding back forced its way out her throat and spilling from her mouth.

"Miri, I'm trying to help you!" he told her, exasperated as he held her wrists down. She simply began kicking, the movements pushing more blood up her mouth and nose, choking her. With a frustrated growl, Anders climbed on top of her, pinning her legs down. Miriel gave up trying to resist and just lay there, looking up at the sky, crying and gurgling.

He began healing her from the inside out, repairing the important parts first so that he didn't waste any mana. He felt Justice stirring, disapproving of him helping this _creature_. The Fade spirit's disapproval was something Anders was used to now. Miriel's stomach mended, Anders moved on to heal the first layers of muscle.

"Why?" Miriel asked, turning her head to one side to spit out blood. "Why do you want to help me, Anders?"

"Would you rather I let to bleed to death?" he replied, wiping away the beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead.

"You did before," she said, her head still to one side as she stared off into the air.

Anders sighed. "You saved Rain," he said, "This is my way of thanking you."

"…Is she alright?" her voice was barely a whisper and she coughed up the last of the blood in her throat. "I… couldn't see what was happening."

"She's… hurt. Which is better than what she could have been," he glanced over to the still-unconscious Rain lying a few feet away. "What do you mean by you couldn't see?"

"I can't see when… when it takes over," she explained, "I can only hear and feel. And even then, it's all muted, like a dream you can only half remember."

Moving off Miriel, Anders inwardly cringed at how similar her experience was to his. He felt weak; having pushed himself further than he normally would have whilst healing.

"Try sitting up," he said to her. She struggled and grimaced; the holes weren't fully closed and were still weeping blood.

"You understand, don't you?" her words sounded closer to a declaration than a question. "Having something inside you that you can't control; that no matter how hard you try you can never quite grasp how it thinks."

"I…" he trailed off before he could even begin his sentence. She was right. He hated to admit it, but his situation wasn't far from hers. Justice balked at the thought of being compared to a demon.

"I know what happened," Miriel said, her eyes burning through him from under the sweaty, unclean tresses sticking to her face. "I know what happened. Under the Gallows. That mage girl."

Anders gave her an alarmed look, "How do you know about that?"

"I've been watching. Watching you. Watching Hawke. Watching you _together_. I've seen the way you look at her, when you think she can't see you." Her voice was sad, regretful almost. "You looked at me like that. Once."

"Miriel…" what could he say? He felt as if she had just reached into his chest and ripped his heart out. Justice was quiet.

"It doesn't matter," she wiped away the dirt and the blood form her face, "That's ancient history now. We're both different people. And Hawke…" she looked across at Rain, then at Anders. "You have the chance to have something that many people go their whole lives looking for. A lot of people find it, but don't hold on tightly enough and it slips away. I should know."

She leaned forward, biting back pain, her face so close he could see the remorse in her eyes.

"Anders, if you keep on pushing her away, she'll give up. She'll be gone. And you will _hate_ yourself for it. Tell her. _Show_ her how you feel. And once you do, don't you _ever_ let her go."

Miriel forced herself on to her feet, clutching at the hole in her stomach. She took a few shaky steps away and looked at him. He looked back, conflicted, confused.

"What do you mean 'I should know'?" he asked, getting up, resisting the urge to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. _She couldn't mean…?_

Miriel smiled a sorrowful smile, "He was gone before I met you."

A white light began to wrap around her body as she looked up at the grey sky. Anders made a move to grab her arm, but he was too late. She had already shape-shifted into a crow and fluttered away. He had heard her say something as she changed. A name. Beginning with 'A'. But it wasn't his.

Sighing, Anders rubbed his face. He went over to where rain was lying, just as she began to move. She sluggishly opened her eyes.

"Hey," he said softly, touching her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Head hurts," she winced, "And stomach…and back." She tried to sit up, only to be pushed down gently by Anders.

"I think the bolts went right through you," he told her, touching the still-wet blood stains on the cotton shirt she wore; the bolts had gone right through one of the gaps between the strips of drake scales she had sewn into her over-shirt.

"Where's Miriel?" she asked, trying to look around.

"Gone," he replied flatly.

"Gone? She had a sword right through her. You can't just get up and walk away from that."

"She didn't. I healed what I could, and then she flew off."

"…flew?"

"She turned into a bird," Anders explained, before suddenly scooping her up into his arms and standing up. "Let's get you back to my clinic so I can finish healing you."

Rain wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her up the path and out of the ruins.

As they grew further and further away from the ruins, Rain took her arms from around Anders' neck and pressed her hands to her face.

"Oh Maker, they almost…" her voice was muffled, but Anders could tell that she was crying. "I was nearly…"

Anders stopped walking and let her slide to the ground. He knelt beside her as she buried her face into his scruffy feathered pauldrons. He said nothing, just held Rain tightly as she clung to his coat. He held her for as long as she needed him; even when she had no tears left to cry and simply let out dry sobs. _Don't you ever let her go_; Miriel's words echoed inside his head. Rain was quiet now, her breaths ragged as she pushed her head under his jaw.

"Anders, please," she said, her voice hoarse, "Just… take me away from here. P-please…"

He gave her a small smiled and picked her up again. She rested her head on his shoulder, her eyes closed and her breath tickling his throat as he carried her up the trail that led into Kirkwall.

Rain reluctantly let go of Anders' coat as he sat her down on the edge of one of the cots in his clinic. His touch had been comforting, and now that he was gone she suddenly felt cold, as the memories still fresh in her mind rushed into the foreground. Her arms were still held out, reaching for him so she could pull him back. He was suddenly sitting right next her, saying,

"I need you to take off that armour, Rain. So I can get at what I need to heal."

She obliged, unbuckling her belt and pulling the scale and leather jacket over her head. Anders gently rolled up the end of her bloody, sweaty shirt and touched the skin on her back. A shiver went up her spine as his fingers moved over her skin, the restorative magic flowing from them and into her wounds. His hands moved carefully, gently to her stomach and she closed her eyes, sighing softly.

She wanted him to touch her like that all over. She wanted him- _needed_ him- to make the pain of her injuries, her memories fade away. He finished healing her and let her rest her head on her shoulder. She felt sleepy all of a sudden, but she knew it was because he had just pushed a sleeping spell into her mind. Smiling, Rain nuzzled her face into his coat, knowing that she would have no nightmares as long as Anders was near.


End file.
